


XO

by victorygirl723



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Music RPF, Panic! at the Disco, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Cheating, Dreams and Nightmares, Eventual Happy Ending, Insomnia, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:53:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2156412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victorygirl723/pseuds/victorygirl723
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fall Out Boy is on the road doing Monumentour. Patrick isn't sure of his feelings for Pete and it doesn't help when they get stuck back in Chicago for three days to relive old memories of young FOB days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Patrick woke up to the tour bus running over a pothole. His blue eyes fluttered open and squinted immediately at the intensity of the sunlight streaming in from the window. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. This was at least the third time during the tour that he had been rudely awoken by unfixed potholes on state highways. He sat up in the bed and put on his glasses. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the untamed bedhead he had. His hair was a bit dry and rough from previously bleaching the absolute shit out of it when he was in his Soul Punk phase. As much as he liked his bleached hair, he winced at the unsuccessfulness of his album. He decided this was not something to start thinking about this early in the morning. Those types of thoughts were designated for nights he couldn’t sleep, which was most nights. 

He pulled out his phone to check the time. 9:13 AM it read. He set his phone down and looked out the window to see if he could tell where they were. All he could see was grassy plains and cows. Wisconsin he thought. He guessed he was somewhere in the midwest. It didn’t matter whether it was Wisconsin, Kansas, or his home state of Illinois, this was midwest territory. He was looking forward to being back in Chicago soon. He knew it would only be for one night but any extra time he got to spend there was nice. He was always either on the road or flying back and forth from LA to Chicago. Unfortunately, all the music work had to be done in LA so it was kind of a bummer. But, he didn’t let that get him down. He had something to look forward to. He thought that he and the guys could grab some deep dish pizza when they were back. Pete with his love of pizza would be the advocator for that. He silently laughed. He looked across from him and saw Andy and Joe were still asleep. He leaned over the side of his bunk to see if Pete was still asleep below him. He was. He was twitching slightly and looked like he was saying something.  
“…no…I said pepperoni…god damnit ranch with the…wrong…” Pete mumbled. Patrick giggled. He started videoing him. Pete never believed anyone that he talked in his sleep even though they had told him a million times that he, in fact, did. He laughed to himself and jumped off of his bunk. He walked around in his gray t-shirt and blue boxers to see if he could find some food somewhere. He noted that he was the first one up and that was never the case. Usually when he woke up, whether it was from running over a bump or not, it was later in the day and the guys were all up. He walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out some leftover bacon. He also grabbed a yogurt and plopped the bacon in the microwave. He sat down at the little “eating area” that was covered in clothes, plates, and other shit. Living with three other guys wasn’t easy. _Is this what living in a dorm room feels like?_ he wondered. Just as the microwave was about to beep, he opened the door and grabbed the sizzling bacon. He sat down and started scrolling through his Twitter feed. This was his morning routine. Breakfast and Twitter. 

About 20 minutes later he heard someone shuffling out of their bed. He looked up and saw it was Pete. He was half asleep still and shirtless. He walked over to the breakfast area.  
“What are you doing up? You are usually the last one up,” Pete said pulling Patrick’s glasses off. Patrick squinted at his lack of vision.  
“The bus ran over a pothole. I swear all of you guys are the heaviest of sleepers. You could all sleep through a nuclear raid,” Patrick said. Pete chuckled.  
“When you have a child, you learn to sleep through everything,” Pete said. Patrick put his glasses back on and pulled up the video of Pete talking in his sleep.  
“So…you always deny how you talk in your sleep? I have proof,” he said. He showed Pete the video of him talking about whatever in his sleep. Pete laughed.  
“Oh come on, you didn’t, like, Photoshop this or whatever?” Pete asked.  
“I don’t have the time or energy to learn how to work Photoshop. I think it’s funny how you are talking about pizza in your dream. Do you even remember what you were dreaming about?” Patrick questioned.  
“Nah man. Whatever it was, I must have been having a hell of a feast,” he said. He slid in next to Patrick and stole a piece of bacon from the plate.  
“Sure, you can have some bacon. Go right ahead,” Patrick said facetiously. Pete laughed.  
“Thanks man, you’re the best. I’m gonna shower. Oh, also, I want to play another round of Fruit Ninja against you. I’m gonna kick your ass this time,” Pete said walking away.  
“Not a chance,” Patrick said without looking up from his phone. As Pete was about to walk into the bathroom, Patrick looked up and noticed Pete’s muscular back. He had some naughty thought about scratching his nails all up and down his back and immediately shook it off. Whenever he got those random thoughts, he brushed them off as normal. Everyone has thoughts about their friends like that, right? Well, that’s what Patrick thought. He felt slightly guilty, being he was married and Pete had a girlfriend. He looked down at his wedding ring. He loved Elisa. He did. He missed her everyday on tour. He wanted to be home in Chicago in their house making love to her in the mornings like they used to before the tour. But Patrick had somewhat of abandonment issues because of his parents’ divorce. He had problems with being alone that he didn’t like to discuss. He missed waking up next to someone. And because he was somewhat of a hopeless romantic, he needed closure. Being without someone for so long, he really wanted someone to cuddle with. 

Before he had time to over analyze everything, Joe walked up and sat down next to him.  
“Hey dude, what’s goin’ on? Why are you up before me? That, like, doesn’t happen,” he said.  
“Fricking potholes. I don’t understand why you guys sleep through them and everything else so well,” Patrick said.  
“That, my friend, is a gift,” Joe said, “hey, you finished with this yogurt?” Patrick looked down at the uneaten yogurt. He rolled his eyes.  
“Knock yourself out,” he said trying to hide his displeasure. They never seemed to have any food on this bus because there were four grown men on it who loved to eat. Joe saluted him and walked over to the couch and began eating it. Patrick made some sort of annoyed gesture with his hand but Joe was already too consumed in his phone to see it. Patrick, again, rolled his eyes and returned to twittering.

While he was scrolling through his feed, he got a text from his good friend Brendon. Brendon was also on tour with his band. He hadn’t talked to him in a while so he was glad he was texting him.  
 _Hey man! How’s the tour going? I hear you guys are gonna be in Chicago in a couple days. We will be there in two weeks. Can’t believe we are gonna miss you by that much! It would’ve been sick to see you. We’ll have to hang at the apmas. Say hi to the guys for me._

Patrick sighed at the fact that the tours didn’t line up. He loved Brendon and the other Panic! guys. They were fun to hang out with and having Brendon in Chicago would have been fun. They could have shown him around and everything. He decided to text back.

_Tour has been good! Exhausting but in a good way. Yeah that’s disappointing that we won’t be able to meet up in Chitown. I still need to show you guys around and everything. I hope Spence is doing well. Hope we get to see you at the apmas. Let me know how everything’s going on your end._

He set his phone down and heard the bathroom door opening. He saw Pete walking out shirtless with a towel wrapped around his waist. Patrick blushed and immediately hid his eyes behind his glasses. He looked down and put a hand near his face to try and cover his redness. _Patrick stop, you’re being dumb and totally conspicuous. Say something smart and stop acting like an idiot,_ he thought to himself.  
“Showing off for the class Pete?” Patrick winced at his remark. That was not the way to handle that. Pete smirked at Patrick  
“Only for you, honey” Pete said winking at Patrick. If Patrick wasn’t red before, he certainly was now.  
“Mmmkay, I’m gonna go shower now,” Patrick said awkwardly. He ducked his head and walked into the bathroom and closed the door. _Smooth, Patrick, smooth,_ he thought. 

He pulled off his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror. This ‘new’ body of his was still unfamiliar to him. Being overweight for years and then suddenly losing the weight was weird. He was slender now. Not exactly the most muscular but definitely much better than say five years before. He pulled off his glasses and ran a hand over his chest feeling the definition. He leaned over closer to the mirror to see the details he couldn’t from further away without his glasses. He ran his other hand through his hair again. He felt the urge to bleach it again. Maybe he would. He turned on the water and slid down his boxers. He stepped into the hot water and pulled the door closed. He didn’t know why he felt so comfortable in the shower but he just did. Maybe it was because being in a small, hot space made him feel like there was someone behind him. Someone breathing down his neck and tickling his stomach and shoulders. Someone licking and nibbling his ear lobes. These weird little things. He indulged in the hot water’s spell on him and then got out. He dried himself off and pulled his pajama shirt over himself while wrapping a towel around his waist. He walked out of the bathroom and grabbed some clothes from his suitcase. He saw Pete just sitting down on his phone, still in his towel.  
“Hey Pete, two things: One, where are we performing today? And two, I’m using the bathroom to change first so yeah…” he said. Pete flashed him a smile and looked up from his phone.  
“Detroit and ok fine but after that you better be ready to face me in Fruit Ninja,” he stated. Patrick smiled and walked back into the bathroom. He put on some fresh boxers, dark somewhat tight jeans, and a black button up shirt. _Probably not a wise choice on the whole color scheme thing, I’m gonna be sweating my ass off tonight on stage,_ he thought. Whatever, he thought he might have some time to change into a t-shirt later tonight before the show. He walked out and grabbed one of his many fedoras and plopped it on his head. Pete stood up and dropped his towel. He grabbed a pair of boxers, dark jeans, and a shirt without sleeves. He slid them all on quickly. Patrick tried his hardest not to look while he was changing but he couldn’t help but get some of Pete’s ass in his face. Pete turned around after changing and sat down across from Patrick.  
“I have no words for what you just did,” Patrick stated.  
“Don’t be such a girl about it. We’re all guys here. We’re all somewhat mature adults,” Pete said. Patrick chuckled and pulled out his phone. They started playing Fruit Ninja. When they were about to start a new game, Patrick put down his phone and started nervously rubbing his hands together.  
“What would you think of me bleaching my hair again?” Patrick asked.  
“It’s your hair dude, but I think it’d be kinda awesome. I liked your bleached hair. It was cool,” Pete said. Patrick looked down and smiled.  
“Are you thinking of bleaching it again?” Pete asked.  
“I don’t know, I was considering it. It was a brief part of my past but I kinda liked it. I don’t know…it was a thought,” Patrick trailed off. Pete put his hand on Patrick’s arm.  
“I say go for it,” Pete said. Patrick smiled. Patrick grabbed his phone again.  
“I’m gonna beat you this time. Get ready Pete Wentz, for I am about to whoop your ass this round,” Pete smirked.  
“You wish,” he growled. Their fingers began flying over the phone screens. 

A few hours later, the boys were hanging out on separate parts of the bus. Patrick was tweeting for fans to ask him questions for a Q and A, Joe was strumming on an unplugged electric guitar, Andy was taking a nap, and Pete was sending goofy snapchats of everyone to Patrick. They felt the bus stop and Patrick looked out the window. They were pulled up to a stadium for sound check. Patrick was anxious to get out of the bus to stretch his legs. He didn’t like to admit it to everyone, but he got a bit stir crazy when he spent copious amounts of time in an enclosed vehicle.

One of their bodyguards opened the door and motioned for the boys to come out. They all walked over to the set up stage and started prepping for the sound check. Patrick was strumming his guitar while Pete was coming over to him trying to distract him from tuning. They were laughing like idiots when they were suppose to be being “serious adults” but when were they ever serious?  
“Pete, I swear to God if you don’t fucking stop…” Patrick said while laughing. Pete poked him and Patrick flinched backward and nearly tripped over Joe.  
“You two need to seriously get a room,” Joe said. Pete giggled. When they got the okay from the sound guy, they started practicing their set. They played the first couple bars of The Phoenix and A Little Less Sixteen Candles before everything was in place. They walked back to the tour bus and were discussing what they should do for dinner.  
“What’s good in Detroit?” Pete asked. The three others shrugged.  
“Man, I can’t wait to be back in Chicago to get some deep dish pizza. That sounds so good right now,” Pete said dreamingly. Patrick rolled his eyes.  
“Pizza sounds good to you always,” he said. Pete grinned.  
“Deep dish actually sounds heavenly right now not gonna lie. I’d pay good money for a sausage and pepperoni one,” Joe said. Their stomachs growled.  
“Let’s get Chinese. You know the deep dish isn’t going to be as ‘authentic’ as it will be back home. It’s gotta be special,” Patrick said. The boys agreed and decided to go out to a local restaurant in the area. 

It was around 6ish so they had a little bit before they had to be back at the stadium for their set. They ate and as they were leaving, two girls recognized Pete and ran up to him.  
“I’m sorry, you’re Pete from Fall Out Boy right?” the blonde girl asked.  
“That’s me,” Pete said.  
“Oh my gosh, can we get a picture with you guys please?” the red head asked.  
“Yeah sure!” Pete said. They walked around to the side of the building where there were some trees in the background. They probably took the worse selfie ever trying to fit all four guys plus them in the picture but nonetheless, the girls were thrilled.  
“Thank you so much!” they exclaimed. The boys bid them goodbye and rode back to the stadium. On the ride back, the boys were trying to relax themselves. While they had played many shows in the past, each guy had a pre-show ritual. Pete and Joe needed to practice and get their fingers moving. Andy chose to twirl his drumsticks through his fingers to get out any anxiety. Patrick needed to sit and listen to music and drone out the whole world. He needed to forget where he was temporarily and pretend he was in some Elvis Costello or Metallica video. He let the stress melt away from him. When they got back to the stadium, Patrick sat in his bunk listening to the music trying to escape. Pete nudged him when it was time to go.  
“Go time,” he said. Patrick nodded. He pulled out his earbuds and put his iPod on the bed. He jumped off his bunk, took a deep breath in and then out, and walked out the door with the boys. They walked around back and heard the crowd screaming from listening to Paramore. The lights were dimmed and the crowd was chanting for the boys to hit the stage. They all smiled. While they had heard it a million times, it was extremely flattering each time because they were just average guys thinking that they weren't worthy of being famous. They walked on stage and took their places and began playing The Phoenix. Patrick took a deep breath before stepping up to the mic to begin belting his lungs out. He closed his eyes and opened them to make sure he wasn’t in some surreal dream. He saw thousands of screaming fans waiting in awe for him to open his mouth to begin singing so they could join in with him. He cracked a smile and began singing. The crowd went wild. While the music was so loud and Patrick couldn’t really hear himself in his head piece, he could feel his heart beating in his chest. He always got extremely high off of performing. He didn’t show it that much because he was always a bit shy on stage but he felt it. It was one of those good tweaks that you get off of some cocaine where you feel like you are on top of the world and you’re unstoppable. 

Halfway through their set, Pete moved through the crowd to the little set set up for him to play. While tons of girls tried to touch him and screamed when he put his hand out to them, Patrick felt a hint of jealousy come over him. He, obviously, didn’t show it but he certainly was inconspicuously staring at him with those girls. Through the blinding stage lights, he could see Pete strumming the bass. Patrick was so proud of himself for being able to multitask by thinking of how he was jealous and being able to concentrate and play guitar and sing. _Patrick, stop. How can you at a time like this being thinking about that?! He gets this all the time. Calm down for fucks sake,_ he thought. He dropped it for the moment and continued on with their set. 

As the night came to a conclusion, Pete thanked the audience and bid them good night. Patrick let Pete do most of the interacting with the audience because it was more of his thing. Patrick liked to sit back and indulge the audience with his music. Talking wasn’t really his thing. They all walked off stage and walked back to the buses. Patrick was extremely tired from this show. He didn’t know why; it really wasn’t all that late. Only about 12:30. He collapsed on his bunk without changing. The other guys were out talking with New Politics. Patrick looked out his window at the moon. All he could see in the moonlight was the endless amount of cornfields in the distance. Oh Michigan, he thought. He knew it was one step being closer to home. Sweet home Chicago. Patrick heard the door open and turned around. It was Pete.  
“Hey why aren’t you out with us and New Politics?” he asked. Patrick shrugged.  
“I’m super tired. I don’t know why. Figured I’d turn in a bit early tonight and hit the hay,” Patrick said quickly. That wasn’t entirely true. He was also confused about what that whole jealousy thing was.  
“Aww that’s too bad man. We were gonna tell some drunk tales gone wrong and I was gonna talk about you being drunk,” Pete smiled. Patrick smiled weakly.  
“You still can, I just won’t be there,” Patrick said. Pete approached Patrick and rested his head on the side of Patrick’s bunk. Patrick turned his whole body over and put his head on his hand.  
“Well hey there buddy,” Patrick said goofily. Pete wrinkled his nose up to try to make a funny face. Patrick crossed his eyes and they both giggled like twelve year old boys.  
“We’re really mature,” Patrick said. Pete nodded in agreement. Pete put his hand on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick flinched a bit hoping it wasn’t all that noticeable.  
“Well rest up man,” Pete said. He then walked out of the bus and left Patrick in his solitude. Patrick turned back over to the window. He spent the next 10 minutes replaying Pete putting his hand on his shoulder. He got those little butterflies in his stomach as children do when they think of their crushes. He got off his bunk, tossed his shirt off in some random direction, grabbed a Ninja Turtles t-shirt and threw it on. He pulled off his shoes and pants and chucked them at his shirt. He then crawled onto his bunk and tried to fall asleep. He had been having some trouble sleeping recently because of his whole traveling thing. He liked to travel but in some other weird way, being away from home for so long was somewhat tedious and he wanted some normalcy. A routine if you may, which he kinda had. Sit on the bus, get up, sound check, go back to bus, kill time, eat local food, perform, get back on the bus, repeat. As much fun as sitting on a bus everyday for countless hours sounds, it was much worse. He was glad he got along with the boys or else this would be much more of a nightmare. God, how his heart yearned for Chicago.


	2. Chapter 2

Patrick woke up sometime later. He didn’t know when or for how long he’d been asleep. It was still dark when he woke up so he figured it must be early. He pulled his phone over and checked the time. 3:47 AM. _Why do I always wake up at the most inconvenient and random of times?_ he wondered. He heard a psst from underneath him. He peered his head over the edge of his bunk and saw Pete waving at him.  
“Why are you still awake?” he whispered. Pete shrugged.  
“I could ask the same to you,” he replied.  
“Well, I was asleep. I just randomly woke up. This always happens,” Patrick said.  
“I feel like I’m at a sleepover and this is the time where we share who are secret crushes are before we gush over them like girls,” Pete said. Patrick giggled.  
“Definitely seems appropriate,” Patrick said sarcastically.  
“Well Patrick, since we are up, spill the beans. Who is it?” Pete asked with a grin on his face. Patrick rolled his eyes trying to play it off cool.  
“Good night Pete,” Patrick said and pulled himself back onto his bed. He heard Pete laugh quietly. He grinned and tried to settle himself back into sleep. Well, it was going to be near impossible since Pete made him laugh and he would spend the next seven hours replaying it over and over and over again in his head. _Why am I such a fucking hopeless romantic? Could I be anymore cheesy and obvious?_ he thought. _No, this is normal. All guys have that one guy they’d marry if they swung that way, right?_ Patrick tried to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with Pete but let’s face it. Patrick Stump was in love with his bassist, Pete Wentz. Even though he might not like to admit it.

 

The next day was basically the same as the day before except for they were in Indianapolis instead of Detroit. Patrick didn’t get woken up by a pothole but by Pete, Joe, and Andy shaking him awake at about 1 in the afternoon. Patrick was pretty startled and managed to look white as a ghost. The three boys laughed.  
“You need to get on a better sleep schedule dude,” Pete said. Patrick breathed in deeply sounding as annoyed as he could. _Fuck them, why do I have to change my sleep schedule?_ he thought.  
“Don’t be so uptight! It was a joke,” Joe said. They walked away laughing.  
“Sound check is in 15 minutes. You have that long to get ready!” Joe said before the others followed him out the door of the bus. It slammed shut. Patrick shut his eyes and sighed deeply. _The disadvantages of touring with the same three guys for three months,_ he thought. He slowly got off of his bunk and rubbed his temples. He walked into the bathroom and threw on a purple t-shirt underneath his Fall Out Boy jacket and black slender jeans. He grabbed a fedora and walked out unhappily to sound check. He hadn’t slept well that night and them awakening him like that was the perfect way to piss him off. He walked out of the bus to join the boys on stage. They were still slightly giggling when he got there. Patrick didn’t look at them nor did he say anything. He did what he was suppose to do and got out of there as quickly as he could.

This whole lack of sleep thing was getting to him. He didn’t get awakened by potholes or by the boys everyday but that wasn’t the problem. He would stay up till 3 or 4 AM unintentionally and would pass out somewhere in that time frame for only a few hours before being awakened by his alarm or someone telling him to go. The sleep that he would get was not quality sleep. It was this weird state of dreaming, well it was more like hallucinating because of how weird and real it felt. He’d be in some weird place where it was dark and he was on a hill. He’d go to the edge of the hill and look down and see musical instruments and equipment broken and thrown over into the ravine below. Everytime, he’d slip and fall down into the ravine. He’d always break his right wrist when he fell and would have to go looking in the dark pit for a way out. It would start raining and he’d feel everything melt away from him. He’d be left mentally naked and alone in the dark. He’d scream for help and his voice would get quieter and quieter. After that he’d jerk awake in a hot sweat. Usually by then, it was time for him to get up and start moving. 

His pupils were usually dilated because of his exhaustion. He hadn’t a clue what the dream meant or why it kept reoccurring. He personally didn’t care what it meant, he just wanted it to stop. It scared him the first couple of times but now it was just annoying and it was becoming a burden to deal with.

Per usual, he was tired so as soon as he got back to the bus when sound check was over, he jumped on his bunk and passed out. This time, fortunately, he had a better dream. He dreamed he was back in his bed at home in Chicago. He rolled to one side and saw Elisa smiling at him. He kissed her and put a strand of her hair behind her ear. He rolled to the other side and saw Pete laid out next to him. Pete grabbed him behind the neck and pulled him for a kiss. It was hot and passionate before he jolted awake again. He furrowed his brows and shook the dream away. _What is the matter with me?!_ he thought. When he awoke, he saw the door open and Pete walk in.  
“Hey man, you didn’t say much at sound check. Everything hunky dory?” Pete asked. Patrick nodded.  
“I’m just tired,” Patrick said slowly. Pete walked over looking slightly concerned. He looked into Patrick’s eyes.  
“Either you are stoned out of your mind or you are exhausted,” Pete said. Patrick closed his eyes tightly to try and concentrate.  
“Patrick, have you been sleeping alright?” Pete asked.  
“I mean not really, no. I’m fine, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” Patrick answered. He brushed past Pete to walk out of the bus. Pete followed him out. Patrick sat down on the ground leaning up next to the bus. He kept opening and closing his eyes to try to blink sleep away but it didn’t seem to be working. His vision was blurry and faded. His hearing was also going in and out as well, which probably wasn't good. Pete sat next to him.  
“Patrick…” he started.  
“I’m fine Pete, really. I’ll be fine,” Patrick said. He smiled weakly at Pete to try to convince him everything was fine. Pete didn’t believe him.  
“Why haven’t you been sleeping well?” Pete asked. Patrick shrugged.  
“I don’t end up passing out until like the early hours of the morning and when I do sleep, I have random ass dreams that don’t help either,” he explained.  
“What kind of dreams?” Pete asked.  
“I don’t know, they are random all the time but they just keep me up,” Patrick lied. His lie wasnt totally untrue. He just didn’t want to explain the reoccurring random falling one he had. He didn’t need to drag Pete into his problems. As much as he wanted to tell Pete and crawl into his arms and sleep for an eternity, he knew that would be selfish of him.  
“Well I hope they don’t keep you up tonight. Let’s get some food in you. That should help you perk up and feel better,” Pete said standing up. He put a hand out to help Patrick get up. Patrick took his hand not wanting to let go. They both stood up and walked back into the bus. 

When they walked in, Andy and Joe were chowing down on some tacos.  
“You guys are just in time. They just brought us some tacos,” Andy said.  
“Who is they?” Pete asked.  
“I guess the producer called and got some place to deliver to us,” Joe said. Patrick and Pete shrugged and sat down and began to eat. The tacos were amazing. They were filling their cheeks respectfully. 

After about twenty minutes of eating, the boys finished up and exited the bus to go on stage. They played another great show and were all very excited after the show. They went out for drinks with New Politics and Paramore after the show was finished at some random bar in Indianapolis. They were all laughing and taking shots and basically just continuing the high they had gotten from performing. Not like it was unreasonable; they didn’t perform the next day so they were all about getting completely shit-faced. Andy and Joe were playing beer pong with Hayley and Jeremy, the New Politics boys were watching and taking bets on who was going to win, and per usual, Pete and Patrick were playing their favorite game: try not to laugh. It was a quite simple game, one person tries to make the other laugh and if they do, the person who laughs takes a shot. It goes back and forth so both men were getting equally drunk. They didn’t really have to try to make the other laugh anymore because they were at the point in their tipsiness where basically anything was funny. Pete was on the verge of falling off his chair when Patrick actually did. Pete laughed and so did Patrick. Pete bent down to help Patrick up.  
“Balance not so good buddy?” Pete asked. Patrick put his finger to the tip of his nose and giggled. Pete sat down with Patrick on the ground and put his head on Patrick’s shoulder.  
“Your shoulder is, like, super comfortable,” Pete said.  
“Thanks, I try my hardest,” Patrick said closing his eyes. Hayley and Joe walked over to them and laughed.  
“Look at the love birds,” Hayley said. Joe laughed and snapped a picture. Patrick was drifting in and out of consciousness. His vision was blurred and his hearing was wavering. He felt himself being pulled up but he couldn’t see by who. His vision went black and everything was quiet.

A little later, he woke up in his bunk. It was four in the morning and his head was pounding. He felt extremely nauseous and suddenly jumped out of his bunk and ran for the bathroom. He slammed the door closed despite the fact that the others were sleeping. He slid to his knees and threw up his guts. He coughed and spit out the vile taste in his mouth into the toilet. He stood up wearily and rinsed his mouth out in the sink. He then walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the couch they had. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep for a while. He felt weak and the nausea hadn’t completely left. He grabbed a pillow and held it to his chest to try and comfort his stomach. He slowly rocked back and forth and closed his eyes. He felt a hand on his knee. He flinched and opened his eyes. It was Pete sat next to him.  
“Are you okay?” he whispered. Patrick couldn’t speak. All he could manage was a slight nod of his head.  
“Patrick…” Pete started. Patrick was too tired and too hungover to think. What little sense he had left in him had left. He leaned over into Pete and fell onto his shoulder. Pete wrapped his arm around Patrick and pulled him into his chest. What happened next, Patrick couldn’t tell if it was his imagination or if it really occurred. But what Patrick felt was Pete stroking his hair and lulling him to sleep. 

Patrick fell into a deep sleep and managed to start dreaming again. This time it was different though. He started dreaming that he was in the “Miss Missing You” video and he was chasing Pete through a trailer park. He was possessed and managed to get to a point where he was brutally murdering Pete with his hook hand. He saw the look in Pete’s eyes of betrayal and utter shock but he couldn’t stop. He was empty. He felt nothing. No remorse, nothing. After he realized what he did, he fell to his side and started coughing up blood. He gripped his side and fell next to Pete’s body. His vision started to blur when he jolted awake. 

He saw Pete next to him still. He smiled. He was really touched and happy that Pete had stayed with him while he was sick and not feeling well. Pete was out too. The drinking had gotten to him too, he could smell it on his breath. Pete, however, was blessed with the fact that he never threw up when he was sick. He didn’t get nauseous or anything. Just a headache. Speaking of nauseousness, Patrick’s hadn’t totally passed and he could feel a rock sitting in his stomach waiting to come up and ruin his day. He really didn’t want to deal with it. He sighed and sat up a bit. He didn’t know whether he should get into his bunk or if he should stay here with Pete. He knew what he wanted to do. He just didn’t know if he should. He sighed and stood up quietly. He walked over to his bunk and pulled himself up. He looked over at Pete sleeping so peacefully. He wished he had stayed over on the couch with him. Curled up in his arms. Head rested on his chest. Pete’s arm around him pulling him in and not letting any heat escape. He closed his eyes and tried to settle himself into sleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

Later around ten, he woke up and saw that Andy and Joe had woken up and were loading up with Advil and water. Patrick’s head still faintly hurt though most of the nausea had passed for the most part. The exhaustion, however, had not and that made the headache worse. He got off his bunk.  
“You guys got it bad too?” Joe’s eyes were mostly closed trying to block out the light but he nodded. Andy handed Patrick the bottle of Advil and walked over to his bed with a wet washcloth. He laid down and put the washcloth over his eyes and tried to rest a bit. Joe walked out of the room to go take a shower. Patrick popped two Advil and swallowed them.  
“What happened with Sleeping Beauty over there?” asked Andy. Patrick wasn’t sure how he should respond. So, of course, he lied.  
“I’m not sure. Maybe he was nauseous or walked over there during the night while he was sleeping,” said Patrick. Andy shrugged and inhaled deeply.  
“I feel you man,” said Patrick. Patrick looked out the window and saw the Chicago skyline in the distance. He smiled and was really excited. _Finally,_ he thought. He could spend two days in Chicago. Two whole days filled with doing stuff you could only do in his favorite city. He grinned and heard a groan behind him. He turned around and saw Pete starting to wake up.  
“Morning sleepyhead,” Patrick said. Pete groaned. Patrick sat down next to him with the Advil and a glass of water. Pete saw Patrick handing the Advil and water and he took it.  
“Thanks,” he said heavily.  
“I should be thanking you. I appreciate what you did last night for me man,” Patrick said.  
“No problem. You’d do the same for me,” Pete said. _I’d do it in a heartbeat,_ Patrick thought. Patrick smiled at him. Pete looked over.  
“You’re really smiley for someone who was crazy nauseous a couple hours ago and is still slightly hungover,” Pete said.  
“I can’t help it. I still feel somewhat shitty but we’re in Chicago for the next two days so I guess that makes me feel better,” Patrick said. Pete’s eyes lit up.  
“I forgot that Chicago was next up on the road,” Pete said gripping a hoodie to his eyes.  
“Hopefully this will be a better two days than it was last night,” Patrick said. Pete nodded. Patrick felt tempted to ask about the stroking of his hair but he figured he imagined all of it.  
“Can I get you anything?” Patrick asked. Pete shook his head.  
“Thanks though, man,” Pete said. Patrick stood up and grabbed a banana and some peanut butter to munch on. While he was eating, he got a text from Brendon.

_Dude, I have great news and you’ll never guess what it is._

Patrick wondered what it was.

_What’s the news?_

Patrick tried to come up with all the scenarios of what Brendon could be talking about but his mind came up blank. Maybe an update with Spence?

_I have to fly into Chicago today to do some work for a day or two so I’ll be able to meet up with you guys if you have some free time before/after you perform._

This could not get more perfect. Patrick was suspicious of this though. Usually when he gets super lucky like this, something bad comes along to shit on everything. He hoped that that wouldn’t be the case so he just decided to be excited.

_Awesome! Funny how these things kinda work out right? We don’t perform till tomorrow so if you’re free later today we should get together and take you around the city._

He sent the text and turned over to Pete.  
“Brendon’s gonna be in town today and tomorrow,” he said.  
“That’s great dude. We should meet up. Well, not now. Later when I’m less shit-faced,” Pete drawled. Patrick looked out the window again and saw that they were on I-290 heading into the city. It was a Thursday morning so there was work traffic. He saw the Sears (or now Willis but who really calls it that anyway?) Tower with the John Hancock building to the side of it. He smiled. While he liked to call himself a Chicagoan, he technically wasn’t. He grew up about thirty minutes away from the city in a suburb north of it. But he spent a lot of time there as a teenager so he figured that he was an honorary Chicagoan. He wanted to go revisit some places though he figured it’d probably be a bit hard considering his circumstances. It would be a bit obvious with him, the other three boys and Brendon walking through the city. It didn’t really matter to him. He didn’t mind encounters with fans. He couldn’t say the same for Brendon or the other boys but he figured they felt the same way as he did. He looked down at his phone and saw Brendon had texted.

_Sick. I get in at 2ish so I’ll text you when I land and we can go from there._

Patrick was beyond excited. He knew it really wasn’t all that exciting but to him it felt like the cherry on top of everything. He stood up and walked over to grab some clothes to change into. Joe walked out of the shower and saw Patrick.  
“Brendon is gonna meet up with us later today. He’s here doing some work so he can hang,” Patrick said.  
“Brendon? Haven’t seen him in a while. It’ll be invigorating to see him again. Wish Spence could be here to but I understand why,” Joe said.  
“Well at least it’s for Spence’s benefit,” Andy said. Joe nodded in agreement.  
“Hope you left me hot water Joe. I still have a headache,” Patrick said.  
“I may or may not have puked a couple times so just be aware that if it smells in there,” Joe said. Patrick wrinkled his nose and made a face.  
“Smooth, Joe,” Patrick said.  
“Hey, no judging. I heard you at like four in the morning. Those sounds cannot be unheard,” Joe said. Patrick rolled his eyes and walked into the bathroom. He showered, changed, and walked out of the bathroom ready to start the day. They pulled into the city and pulled up to the hotel they were staying in for the night. They were staying at the Peninsula Hotel right on Michigan Avenue. They’d have a great view of the lake from their suite. Patrick was beyond thrilled. He loved the view of Lake Michigan. He’d seen plenty of blue oceans in his life but there was something about lake water that just was beyond compare. 

The boys unloaded some stuff for their room and one of their agents checked them in at the hotel desk. They were booked in the ‘Grand Suite’ which had a beautiful view of the city and the lake. Patrick still remembered a time when they stayed in shitty motel rooms for the night when they were slightly paranoid that they were going to get mugged or stabbed in the middle of the night. And now, they were staying in one of the most expensive rooms at a 5 star hotel, with lake views, and basically a house in a room. He walked around the room dragging his fingers across the tops of soft couches and other furniture. He plopped one of his bags on one of the beds and decided this was where he was sleeping for the night. He decided to ditch the lake view for the view of the city. He loved looking out at the lights in the city. No matter what city it was, he’d always pick the room with the view of it. 

It was about 12 in the afternoon when the boys were all settled in. Patrick knew the first place he was going: Reckless Records. He needed to add more to his collection and it always seemed to have everything he wanted. He walked over to the lounge area where Pete and Andy were chilling.  
“I’m gonna go to Reckless Records. Anyone wanna come with?” he asked.  
“Oh, that sounds fun. I’ll come with,” Pete said.  
“I might catch up with you later. Still slightly hungover,” Andy said. Patrick nodded and they headed out the door. They walked to the elevator and then headed out once they got all the way back to the bottom.  
“I’m getting like weird jitters,” Patrick said. Pete laughed.  
“You’re such a nerd. You live here,” Pete said.  
“Well not exactly here, and I don’t get to spend all that much time here so of course I’m gonna go full fanboy when I get extra time,” Patrick said. Pete shook his head with a smile on his face.  
“Still a nerd,” he said. Patrick rolled his eyes and giggled. It was a bit of a walk from the hotel to the store but they chose to walk anyway. They needed to get some exercise after spending all that time on the bus every waking minute of every day. They chatted about random things. Pete recalled some stories of him doing street art on some buildings they walked past and Patrick gaped at the fact that he really never got caught. Patrick talked about how he used to take his mom’s car up to Chicago whenever he got the chance and he usually ended up getting in trouble for coming home late. In turn, that spiraled into Pete talking about how he crashed and wrecked Andy’s first car on accident and them both laughing about that.  
“If I was Andy, I would have killed you. He went way too easy on you now that I look back,” Patrick said. Pete laughed.  
“Yeah. To be honest, he was kinda a really good sport about the whole thing. I would have been super duper pissed,” Pete said. Patrick laughed and looked down at his feet.  
“Weird to think that that stuff happened like 10 years ago. So much has happened since then. We’re here now. Here. Touring the country and doing what we love. We used to be the complete underdogs playing in tiny clubs and bars and now we’re playing stadiums in front of thousands of people. How did we get here?” Patrick wondered. Pete chuckled.  
“Luck is a funny thing. We also worked our asses off so there’s that,” Pete said.  
“When I was 16, I would have never dreamed we’d be here,” Patrick said. Pete nodded in agreement.  
“Yeah, weird isn’t it?” he said. Patrick looked up at Pete and smiled.  
“I’m glad I get to do this with you guys though. I’m really lucky to have met and to know you guys. I know I’m like randomly being sentimental but I just thought I’d say it…” Patrick trailed off. Pete smiled.  
“I know what you mean. Ditto,” Pete agreed. Patrick smiled and looked away.  
“Anyway, how’s Meagen doing?” Patrick asked. Pete shrugged.  
“She’s been fine. She misses me. She has been a bit moody though lately. Probably with the whole pregnancy thing. God, it’s weird to think I’m gonna be a father again,” Pete said.  
“Well, you never stopped being a father,” Patrick pointed out. Pete rolled his eyes.  
“Patrick, you know what I mean,” Pete groaned.  
“I’m just kidding. I got you. You’ve been a good father so far. It’s not like it’s gonna be any different. You just have to continue what you’ve been doing for this new baby, which I know you’re gonna do because, you’re a good person,” Patrick said. Pete smiled weakly.  
“I know that came out super unorganized and everything but what I’m saying is you’re gonna do fine. I believe in you,” Patrick said.  
“Thanks Patrick. It means a lot,” Pete said.  
“Always here for ya,” Patrick said.  
“Well enough about me, what’s the sitch with you and Elisa?” Pete asked. _Why did you feel the need to ask this ugh,_ , Patrick thought.  
“She’s fine. Like you, she misses me. She’s been working on some big project though at work so that’s been keeping her pretty busy. We’ve been okay. No kids yet as you can see,” Patrick said succinctly.  
“Are you guys planning on having kids?” Pete asked.  
“I mean I don’t know. We’ve talked about it. I’d love to be a dad someday. I just…I’m not sure if I’m ready for it yet. Like the band just got back together and now we’ve gotten back into the swing of things and we don’t really know what direction we’re going in so…I don’t know. I guess I want to figure myself out first. I know that kinda sounds selfish and she really wants to start a family but I’m just…I can’t right now. I already have enough to worry about. Dragging a kid into my world would just overwhelm me too much,” Patrick confessed. Pete put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder to make him stop walking.  
“I understand,” Pete said. Those two words made Patrick feel so much better. Like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Everyone had always told him that he was being selfish and that if he waited too long to start a family he’d regret it. But just to know that one person understood his reasoning just meant the world to him.  
“You have no idea how much that means to me Pete,” Patrick said. Randomly, Pete just pulled him for a hug. Patrick was surprised but it was a pleasant surprise. Pete’s embrace was warm and comforting. Patrick embraced back. He felt like he could melt into his arms. He felt comfortable and accepted, something that was hard for him to completely feel at all times. Pete pulled away. He shoved his hands in his pockets of his jeans.  
“Sorry, I don’t know where that came from. I figured you needed it,” Pete said.  
“Pete, I think we’ve known each other long enough where hugs and stuff don’t need an explanation,” Patrick said. Pete smiled and looked down.  
“You’re right. Sorry,” he said.  
“But yeah, that’s my little reasoning for everything. Everyone keeps telling me that if I don’t start a family soon I’m going to regret it. And I see their points but when I try to convince myself of that, I just can’t,” Patrick said.  
“Don’t. If you aren’t ready to have kids, don’t let them pressure you. I totally get where you’re coming from. When you are ready, you’ll know. This stuff tends to work itself out. You’ll know. Figuring yourself out first is the most important. I certainly needed to do a bit of that before I had kids. God, if I hadn’t, who knows where we would be or where I would be. Probably a head case somewhere,” Pete said.  
“Don’t say that. You don’t know that,” Patrick insisted.  
“Be it true or not, the important part is that I figured myself out and then was ready to embrace other people into it. It’s more important than people stress,” Pete said.  
“Thanks Pete, on so many different levels and for so many different things,” Patrick said. It was general enough to the point where Patrick could mean that but vague enough for Pete to not know what he actually meant. Pete smiled lightly and started walking again. Patrick followed next to him. They spent the rest of the walk in silence. They finally arrived at the record store and walked in. Pete immediately went for the classics of course. He tried to see how much a Stones or Guns and Roses record would be while Patrick on the other hand decided to go and browse the more obscure artists. He enjoyed finding music that no one really knew about. He was slightly a music snob in that way. He didn’t discuss his music taste openly but when it was brought up, he did enjoy when he’d mention and artist and he would be the only one in the room who knew what was being talked about. Unfortunately, that meant that he was pretty out of the loop with what the popular artists and stuff were at that time. He didn’t overly mind that though. 

He scanned over people such as Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes and Airborne Toxic Event. He had such a wide taste of music. He basically liked and appreciated everything. Pete hissed at him and he looked up. Pete was waving a copy of Metallica’s “Death Magnetic” record. Patrick made a face.  
“Dude, I love Metallica, but if you’re gonna get a record by them, get one of the oldies,” Patrick said.  
“You would be extremely lucky if you found a copy of one of their classics here,” Pete said. Patrick agreed. They continued browsing. Pete decided on Green Day’s album “American Idiot” just because he remembered listening to them while Fall Out Boy was still forming and getting their name out there. Patrick wanted to get so many but he figured he’d listen to the unknown artists on CD first and then move to vinyl. He decided to get The Ramones self titled record. It was an oldie but a goodie. They went up to the register to pay. The cashier looked up and his eyes went wide.  
“Woah, you guys are from Fall Out Boy right?” he said trying to be quiet. They nodded. He started to smile and started ringing up their records.  
“Love your music. Especially the new record you guys put out,” he said.  
“Thanks man, it means a lot to us,” Pete said. As he finished up with them he stopped them quickly.  
“You guys probably get asked this all the time but I have my Infinity on High record here with me. If you don’t mind, could you sign it for me?” he asked.  
“Yeah of course man,” Patrick said. He smiled and ran into the back to grab it. Sure enough, he came back holding it in his hands. Patrick smiled at the album artwork. He remembered that weird ass album cover but he thought it was cool.  
“What’s your name?” Patrick asked.  
“Kevin. My name’s Kevin,” he said. Patrick quickly signed “To Kevin, keep being awesome” with his signature and Pete signed his name as well.  
“Thank you guys so much. I wish I could go to your concert tomorrow night but I heard it was sold out,” Kevin said.  
“Aw dang man that sucks. Keep looking for a ticket we’d love to see you in the audience,” Pete said.  
“Will do!” Kevin said. They waved and walked out the door.  
“Have a good day!” Patrick said while he was leaving. They walked out and walked down the block to a Starbucks. They got their coffee and sat down in the corner. Patrick pulled out his phone and saw Brendon had texted him.

_Just got in. Where are you guys staying? I’m at the Four Seasons._

Patrick typed back.

_We’re at the Peninsula. When do you wanna meet up?_

Pete tapped Patrick. He looked up from his phone.  
“Random question, do you ever wonder what your life would be like if we hadn’t ended up in a band?” Pete asked. Patrick sat back in his seat and pondered.  
“I mean yeah. I’d like to think I would be doing something in music but yeah I wonder all the time if I hadn’t done the band or gone into music where I would be at. Why?” Patrick asked.  
“I don’t know,” Pete said, “I just was thinking about it. I’m being so thoughtful lately and I have no idea why,”  
“I used to have that. It’s just one of those points in your life I guess. I had one right when we formed the band and I finished high school. That was beyond fun,” Patrick groaned. He remembered how difficult that time in his life was. He did not want to go back to that so he shoved all those memories and feelings back deep inside his mind.  
“I guess. I don’t know. Quarter life crisis I guess,” Pete said.  
“It’s not like its unusual. I get what you’re going through,” Patrick said.  
“It’s fine. I don’t really want to talk about it right now. I feel like we’ve been so focused on me. Anyway, any news from Brendon?” Pete changed the subject.  
“Yeah he just got in. Lemme check what he’s said,” Patrick said pulling out his phone. Brendon had texted.

_Can we meet for dinner? Know any good places? Maybe around 630ish?_

“He wants to meet up somewhere for dinner around 630. He asked if we have any good places,” Patrick said.  
“No, we have no places whatsoever,” Pete said sarcastically.  
“Nope, none,” Patrick agreed. They giggled.  
“Why don’t we get Lou Malnati’s? You know how I love pizza and we’ve, well at least I’ve been dying to get some true Chicago style pizza,” Pete suggested.  
“Good idea, but we’re gonna have to get someone to like get there early and what not since they are always busy,” Patrick said.  
“True, but I think that would be a good way to introduce Brendon to Chicago. We can just have it in the hotel and go out for drinks or something later,” Pete said. Patrick raised his eyebrow at Pete.  
“You really want to go drinking after last night??” Patrick questioned.  
“Joking, I was joking,” Pete said.  
“Well that sounds like a plan. I’ll let him know,” Patrick said. He typed back to Brendon.

_To be initiated into the Chicago circle, you must have true Chicago pizza. We’re gonna get some Lou Malnati’s for dinner tonight. You can meet us at our hotel room. We’re in the Grand Suite of the Peninsula. Pete said we can go bar hopping or something after dinner if you’re up for it._

Brendon responded almost immediately after Patrick sent the text.

_Sounds great! I’ve heard about Lou Malnati’s. It’s the shit. See you boys later._

“We’re all set for tonight,” Patrick said. Pete fist pumped into the air and then laughed.  
“Please never do that again,” Patrick stated. Pete laughed again and then looked at Patrick. He was staring into his eyes, lovingly, it seemed but Patrick thought he might be just reading into it. He awkwardly threw a rolled up straw wrapper at Pete’s head.  
“You are so weird,” Patrick said.  
“Likewise, that’s why we are such good friends,” Pete said. Patrick smiled and looked down at the table.  
“Pete…” Patrick blurted out. He knew what he wanted to ask him. He wanted to ask if he’d ever consider dating a friend. He knew also he couldn’t finish that sentence. That would be completely selfish. He was married. _Patrick, YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN. You can’t keep having these thoughts. He has a girlfriend! And a kid and another one on the way! It’ll never happen so stop thinking like this,_ Patrick thought. Pete was looking at him waiting for him to finish,  
“Never mind. I forgot what I was going to say,” Patrick said timidly.  
“Mmkay, if you remember it, let me know,” Pete said looking into his phone. _I remember it fine, it’s just I can’t say it,_ Patrick thought. Patrick’s heart sunk.  
“You wanna head back to the hotel?” Pete asked. Patrick thought. He was thinking about if he wanted to go anywhere else before they turned in to meet Brendon.  
“I mean it’s not in the city but I kinda wanted to go back and visit Glenview a bit,” Patrick said quietly. Pete looked up.  
“Well doesn’t someone have a need for nostalgia huh?” Pete said. Patrick shrugged.  
“Well…it’s about a thirty minute drive from here. You want just us two to go or you wanna wait for Brendon?” Pete asked.  
“I think just you and I should go. Brendon’s probably not interested in seeing it and if he is we can take him tomorrow or something or some other time,” Patrick explained.  
“True, ok. Now the next problem, how are we gonna get there?” Pete asked.  
“We can take a cab. I’ll pay,” Patrick said.  
“Alright, well let’s leave now. Traffic will be getting bad soon,” Pete warned. They walked out of Starbucks, flagged down a cab and got in.  
“Glenview,” Patrick said. The cab driver nodded and started to drive.  
“So what made you want to go back to Glenview so bad?” Pete asked.  
“I mean, I don’t know. I haven’t been back there in a while so I figured…why not? Even though high school and stuff was kinda shitty for me, it’d be cool to see the school and stuff again and my old neighborhood,” Patrick said. Pete nodded.  
“What about you? Don’t you ever want to go and visit Evanston and stuff?” Patrick asked.  
“I mean sure. I just wondered the timing of everything like, why now?” Pete questioned.  
“I’m not sure…some part of me just said, ‘let’s do this today; now get up and go’” Patrick said.


	4. Chapter 4

They sat in silence for the remainder of the cab ride. The cab driver dropped them off in the center of town. They walked up and down the sidewalks looking at all the stores and how most of them had changed since he had grown up. Some were the same but most he didn’t recognize. They walked past Glenbrook South High School and Patrick stopped and stared for a second. Pete noticed and stopped and stood next to him.  
“It’s like it hasn’t changed at all. Everything else in this town has but not this,” Patrick said. Pete didn’t say anything, he just kind of admired Patrick and waited for him to speak next.  
“I bet if we went in there, it would be the same. I’d remember walking the halls of hell, trying to escape everything and get through the day. I remember just waiting for the day to be done so I could get out and go make music. I’d think about it all day. That’s all I wanted to do. That’s all I thought I could do…” Patrick trailed off. Pete put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick just stood there having some weird flash back and attack of memories. He finally snapped out of it and saw Pete’s hand on his shoulder. He turned to face Pete and before he could think he leaned in and kissed him. It was a sweet and gentle kiss. Not one full of passion or lust, just of comfort and just fulfilling enough. Pete’s lips were soft and tasted like the cappuccino he had had earlier. Patrick pulled away and looked at Pete. Pete looked somewhat taken and leaned in to go again. Patrick stepped away and turned away from Pete. He bit his lip and became completely aware of what he had just done.  
“Patrick…” Pete started but couldn’t finish.  
“I can’t…we can’t…I’m…I’m married…and you…you have a kid and another one on the way…I can’t…this…I’m sorry…” Patrick broke off. He sat down on the sidewalk and started to break. Tears began streaming down his face. He put his head down to try and cover the embarrassment and horrible redness that was about to come across his cheeks. Pete sat next to him.  
“I’m so confused…I don’t know what I want and I certainly don’t want to drag you into something that I can’t even figure out myself and-“ before he could finish Pete pulled him in for another kiss, a quick short one, and then embraced him.  
“Patrick…you don’t have to know everything,” Pete whispered gently.  
“Sometimes, I really want to,” Patrick breathed deeply. Pete pulled away and looked Patrick in the eye. He brushed away a tear from his cheek.  
“We are gonna figure this out okay? This is life, it get’s messy sometimes. But, fortunately, we can clean it up and continue and sometimes it doesn’t turn out super shitty,” Pete said.  
“That was the worst metaphor ever,” Patrick said. Pete chuckled.  
“Thanks, I’m glad that’s what you got out of that,” Pete said sarcastically. Patrick didn’t look at Pete. He couldn’t. He was so upset and overwhelmed. His mind was going crazy with thoughts spiraling all out of control.  
“Patrick, please look at me,” Pete asked. Patrick couldn’t. He just put his head down on his knees. Pete ran his fingers softly through Patrick’s hair trying to calm him down.  
“What am I supposed to do? What am I suppose to tell Elisa?” Patrick weeped.  
“For now, you don’t say anything. Or at least, that’s what I would do. I think you need time to figure out what you want. If married life with Elisa is what you want, you can tell her if you wish when you are sure. But I think it would be for the best if you didn’t tell her. You don’t want to go ruining things and making things worse if you aren’t sure what/who you want,” Pete said.  
“You know that’s difficult for me. I feel the need to be completely honest,” Patrick said.  
“I know. But that’s my advice. You can do what you feel is best. I won’t pressure you to do anything,” Pete said. 

After Patrick settled down and regrouped, they went back to their hotel. The ride back was relatively quiet. Patrick took a nap in the car. His head fell onto Pete’s shoulder. Pete didn’t move. He just let Patrick quietly sleep. He knew Patrick would have trouble sleeping tonight with everything that had happened. Tomorrow, they were playing for their parents at the First Midwest Bank Amphitheater. As if performing in their home state near their home towns wasn’t enough pressure. When they arrived back at the hotel, Pete nudged Patrick awake.  
“We’re here. Did you sleep alright?” Pete asked.  
“Surprisingly, yes,” Patrick answered. 

They walked out of the cab and into the hotel. When they got to their room, Joe and Andy were awaiting them.  
“Look who decided to show up!” Joe said.  
“We thought you two lovebirds got lost somewhere in the city,” Andy said.  
“We just went down to the record store and then Starbucks,” Pete said. Pete thought it was best to just leave the trip to Glenview out of their story.  
“Awful long time to be sitting at Starbucks,” Andy said suspiciously.  
“Believe it or not, friends can keep each other talking for a long time,” Pete said. Andy and Joe rolled their eyes with grins on their faces.  
“Mmmkay. Whatever you say,” Joe said. They walked out of the lounge area to their rooms. Patrick started off for his bedroom. Pete just stood and watched. Patrick turned around when he noticed Pete wasn’t following him.  
“Pete?” Patrick asked shyly. Pete already knew what to do. He walked over to Patrick and followed him into Patrick’s room. Patrick sat down on his bed and Pete closed the bedroom door. Pete sat next to Patrick expecting him to break down again or ask him something. Instead, he was surprised when Patrick immediately pulled him for a kiss. This was more passionate than before. They began slipping their tongues into each others mouths to mingle and explore. Pete pulled away momentarily.  
“Patrick,” he said breathlessly, “is this what you want?” Patrick didn’t have time to think about what he ultimately wanted. All he knew is that he wanted to kiss Pete and he wanted it now. Patrick didn’t answer and just leaned back into Pete. He put his hands behind Pete’s neck to try and pull himself in more. He wanted to engulf himself and try and forget everything else in his mind. Pete ran his fingers through Patrick’s hair. They suddenly heard a knock on the door and they quickly jerked away. Patrick bit his lip and looked down. Pete jumped to his feet to open the door. He opened it and saw it was Joe. The next thirty seconds were a sort of awkward and uncomfortable exchanging of looks as Joe looked from Patrick to Pete noticing the obvious hickeys on each other and Patrick’s messed up hair. He didn’t say anything verbally but his eyes totally spoke it all. _I know what YOU two were up to,_ they said.  
“Brendon just called. He’s on his way here. He’ll be here in 30 minutes. Some guys went to get the pizza for us so it should be here soon too,” Joe said. Pete nodded as convincingly as he could. Patrick just kept looking at his feet. When he made out with people, he got really red. Not because he was embarrassed or anything, it just tended to happen. And the boys knew this better than anything. Patrick’s face only got red when he was really drunk, really embarrassed (which didn’t happen often), or he had just sucked on someone’s face. Joe slowly walked away from the door and Pete closed the door quietly. He coughed awkwardly and sat next to Patrick. Patrick fell back onto his back.  
“I am so fucked up,” he said. Pete laid back with him.  
“You are not. It’s normal to be confused,” Pete said.  
“Yeah, when you’re 15-20, not when you’re 30 and married,” Patrick said. Pete sighed.  
“How can you be so chill about this? You cheated just as much as I did,” Patrick said.  
“I don’t know. Meagen and I aren’t doing so well. We’re headed downward anyway. I’ll love this kid that will be brought into the world but I’m not sure I can love her,” Pete explained.  
“I wish it was that easy for me,” Patrick sighed.  
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Pete asked.  
“I mean, what’s to say? I clearly have feelings for my best friend but I don’t want to ruin a marriage. I love Elisa, I mean, I think I love her. But I obviously don’t love her enough to not think about you…” Patrick admitted. Pete looked over at Patrick.  
“I have no clue what I’m doing. I don’t just want to drop a marriage but it’s not clearly a happy marriage if I’m behind Elisa’s back and kissing my bassist,” Patrick groaned. Pete listened.  
“This sucks. Fuck,” Patrick breathed out.  
“This doesn’t need to be sorted out in one night. You can think about it for a while as I said. Just have fun with us and Brendon for the next night or two and then you can think about it after that. Just don’t focus on it. These things tend to work themselves out,” Pete said. Patrick looked over at Pete.  
“Has anyone ever told you your eyes are really pretty?” Pete asked. Patrick grinned goofily.  
“Thanks. I’ve heard it a couple times but I always get squirmy when I get compliments,” Patrick said. Pete giggled.  
“Well, let’s go get ready before Brendon gets here. Your hair is still messed up and we both have hickeys everywhere,” Pete said.  
“Joe’s gonna tell everyone,” Patrick groaned.  
“No he won’t. I’ll tell him to lay off for a while till you figure shit out,” Pete said. Patrick nodded saying ‘thank you’ silently. Pete left the room to go get ready. Patrick walked into his bathroom and looked in the mirror. His hair was kind of messed up thanks to Pete. He combed it into place. As for the hickeys, this was a bit of a bigger problem. Luckily, he only had two near his mouth. He pulled out some leftover…what was it called? Foundation? Concealer? He wasn’t sure but he put it on over the areas and they disappeared. He hoped it wouldn’t come off tonight while he was with Brendon and the other boys. Not like his cover wasn’t blown enough when Joe saw them.


	5. Chapter 5

When he walked out of the room, Brendon was walking in. Brendon saw Patrick and smiled and immediately walked over to give him a hug.  
“Wow man! It’s so good to see you! It’s been months right?” Brendon said through the hug. Patrick pulled back and smiled.  
“However long it’s been, it’s been too long. How are you? How’s Sarah and Spence and Dallon and everyone? I wish they were all here I’d love to see them,” Patrick said.  
“I’m good! Touring has been super fun but I’m already getting tired haha. I’ve already blown through my second and third winds,” Brendon admitted.  
“Yeah that tends to happen,” Patrick responded.  
“But yeah, Sarah is good. She’s been visiting us occasionally so it’s nice to see her while I’m on the road,” Brendon said. _Maybe if Elisa was with me, this whole Pete thing wouldn’t have happened…who am I kidding? Yes it would have_ , Patrick thought.  
“Spence has been progressing really well in rehab. I’m so proud of him and everything it’s just amazing. Dallon is…Dallon. He’s a big goofball but we’ve been having fun touring together,” Brendon said while laughing. Patrick probably had the biggest and goofiest smile on his face but he was just super happy. Pete walked in the room and a smile came across his face when he saw Brendon’s unique hair sticking up. He came from behind and hugged Brendon. Brendon’s face lit up. He turned around and greeted him with a quick embrace.  
“Man! How have you been?” Pete asked.  
“So good. I was just telling Patrick about how everyone is doing if you want the rundown/recap of what I just said,” Brendon said.  
“Well I’m gonna assume everyone’s good yes?” Pete said.  
“Basically, haha” Brendon said.  
“Well, we are super glad you are here. The guys just went to get pizza from Lou Malnati’s so they should be back any minute with it. Prepare for the most amazing pizza you’ve had in your life,” Pete said tapping his fingers together. Brendon giggled.  
“It’ll be the highlight of my week,” Brendon said.  
“Oh no, my friend, it’ll be the highlight of your life,” Pete emphasized. Patrick rolled his eyes and laughed. Pete smiled and left the room to go answer a phone call. Brendon turned around to Patrick again.  
“Well what do the official Chicagoans have planned for me while I’m here?” Brendon asked.  
“Well, pizza obviously. If you want to do the stereotypical touristy stuff-“ Patrick said before Brendon interrupted.  
“No no no, fuck that shit. I can come back and do that someday. I need the down low stuff that I can only get from an experienced bunch of city-goers,” Brendon said. Patrick chuckled.  
“Okay, well that knocks off about 10 things off our list. Well, Pete and I already went to the record store today but we’d be willing to go again sometime tomorrow before we perform. Tonight though we were thinking of going drinking at The Billy Goat Tavern,” Patrick suggested.  
“Sounds great. I could use a good drink. Flying is not my thing…” Brendon said.  
“Mine neither,” Patrick admitted.  
“I need a Xanax just to calm my nerves. But after I take that I’m fucking weird the whole day so it’s either weird me or freaking out anxious me,” Brendon said.  
“It must be so much fun being on the tour bus with you,” Patrick said laughing.  
“Dude, cars, buses, and basically any other motive of transportation, I’m peachy-keen. Planes? Fuck that,” Brendon said furrowing his brows. Patrick laughed.  
“Well, in any case, we are all super happy to see you,” Patrick said. Brendon smiled and then squinted at Patrick.  
“Are you wearing makeup?” Brendon asked curiously. Patrick blushed.  
“I have a…cold sore,” he lied trying to sound convincing. _Wow Patrick, original_ , he thought.  
“Oh gotcha. Those are the worst,” Brendon said. Patrick awkwardly looked down at his feet.  
“I forgot to put in my contacts before you got here so I’m gonna go do that before we go drinking,” Patrick said trying to inch himself out of this conversation.  
“Alright man…I’m gonna go say hi to Andy and Joe,” Brendon said awkwardly. Patrick smiled weakly and hurried out of the room. _I really need to get better in social situations_ , he thought. He walked into his room and actually did put in his contacts. He had been in his hipster glasses the whole day and he did not want to deal with losing or breaking them tonight. Drinking with Brendon and the boys was a completely different story. Brendon was a college frat boy when it came to alcohol. When did he agree to going drinking again? He wasn't sure but he brushed it off.

After he put them in, he heard a closing of a door and Pete shouting ‘YES’ very enthusiastically from the next room. Patrick couldn’t help but laugh. He knew that the pizza had arrived just from Pete’s reaction. He walked out laughing. Pete was eagerly awaiting them to pry open those boxes and begin the feast.  
“Pete, I heard you from my room,” Patrick said laughing. Pete smiled.  
“I take my pizza seriously,” Pete explained. The boys laughed.  
“We know,” they said in unison. They started digging in and indulging themselves.  
“Oh…my…god…where has this pizza been all my life. If I wasn’t married, I’d marry it,” Brendon said. Pete and Joe nodded in agreement. Andy gave them a ‘no you guys wouldn’t’ look and they giggled. Pete was basically smothering the grease all over his face when he was smashing it into his mouth.  
“Pete, I’m getting heartburn just looking at you,” Patrick said. Pete didn’t say anything. He was too infatuated with the pizza. Patrick rolled his eyes.  
“Dude, I can understand. This is legit the best pizza I’ve ever had,” Brendon enthused.  
“We take our pizza seriously here in Chicago,” Patrick said.  
“Never thought I’d be down with this whole deep dish thing but it’s actually super good,” Brendon said.  
“There are plenty of places around town where you can get this good of food. I actually don’t think Lou Malnati’s has the best thin crust. They have best deep dish but I like Pizano's better,” Joe said.  
“No no no. You guys have it all wrong. Lou Malnati’s kills pizza, it does. But, I have to give it to smaller restaurants. There’s one in this town west of here that does AMAZING thin crust pizza,” Pete said.  
“Oh right. We weren’t talking to the ‘aficionado’,” Brendon said using air quotes. Pete waved his hand at him. Brendon chuckled.  
“Just sayin’ man. I keep track of this. This stuff is important,” Pete said. Brendon started reaching for some parmesan cheese and ranch when Pete looked at him with disgust.  
"Is there something wrong with my pizza, Pete?" Brendon asked.  
"You are one of those people. The people who puts ranch on their pizza," Pete said sighing.  
"Yeah, because it's fucking delicious. Don't listen to him, Brendon. He always yells at Patrick and I for that too," Joe defended.  
"That's just wrong. Ranch belongs on salad, not pizza," Pete said. Patrick poured a generous amount of ranch on his pizza. He then exaggerated biting it in front of Pete. Joe grabbed the bottle and began pouring it into his mouth. Pete winced and almost gagged.  
"You guys are fucking disgusting," Pete said. Joe made some weird gargling noise. Patrick almost choked on his pizza when he saw Joe's face basically covered in the ranch. This in turn made everyone else laugh at Patrick's expense and at Joe's face. 

The boys laughed and continued joking around. They spiraled through topics super quick. They naturally progress through conversation from one thing to the next. They somehow ended up talking about how Brendon almost choked on something before a show one night. Which in turn ended up progressing to a story about how the same thing happened to Joe years ago.  
“I swear, he had eaten a hot dog or something. We were about to go on and here he his like gagging. Patrick’s flipping complete shit, I’m like trying to do the heimlich maneuver on him and Andy was just yelling for someone to call an ambulance,” Pete said.  
“I’m pretty sure at one point you were convinced that he should just take a shot of whiskey and that would have helped him clear it down,” Andy said. Patrick snorted and had to put his head down because he was laughing so hard. Joe was laughing as well.  
“Whiskey? Also, wrong pipe Pete,” Brendon said.  
“I was partially stoned and shut up. My logic may not have been sound but I managed to launch the food from his throat,” Pete said.  
“Last time I ask you for any type of medical advice or help,” Joe said. Pete laughed.  
“You’re cutting him super deep Joe,” Brendon said. Pete made some fake gesture of him grasping his chest like he’d been stabbed. Joe rolled his eyes.  
“Anyone up for drinks?” Brendon asked. The boys nodded and stood up to head over to the Billy Goat Tavern. Patrick had recovered from laughing hard. His stomach was hurting a bit but he felt full. He hadn’t laughed that hard in a while. It felt good to laugh. He did remember that story. He hadn’t thought about it in so long so it was a surprise when Pete brought it up. He grabbed his fedora and started out the door behind the other guys. Joe, Andy, and Brendon were Facetiming Dallon from LA about something or another while Patrick and Pete were trailing a bit behind them. They were goofing around by stepping on each other’s toes every other step. Eventually, when Patrick went to step on Pete, Pete shoved him to the side and jumped ahead. Patrick laughed and shoved him back. They both started pushing into each other. This continued for about 30 seconds before Patrick called ‘uncle’.  
“Okay, okay, I concede,” Patrick said putting his hands up. Pete was giggling while catching his breath. Pete looked over flirtingly at Patrick. Patrick’s eyes flirted secretly back at Pete’s. They both were speaking an unspoken conversation of some super cheesy joke. It went something like: 

_Patrick guess what?_

_What?_

_I just shit my pants, can I get in yours?_

_Pete, that was so bad it should be a crime._

_C’mon, tell me a bad one like that. They’re funny._

_Well, it won’t apply yet but, I’m not drunk, I’m intoxicated by you._

_That was just as bad as mine!_

_I never said it was good it’s just cheesy as fuck._

_You’re cute._

_I’m not but thanks._

_Patrick._

_What?_

_Shut up._


	6. Chapter 6

They arrived at the bar. It was a bit later so most of the crowd was people in their 40’s. They laughed about how soon they would actually be apart of the crowd.  
“Ten more years for you boys. Actually, five for you Pete,” Brendon pointed out. Pete groaned.  
“Thanks Brendon, much appreciated,” Pete sighed. Brendon shook Pete’s shoulder.   
“I’m just messing with you,” Brendon said. They all sat down and started sipping some beers. They were taking things slow for now before things spiraled down the drain quickly. Patrick, though, was not in the mood to be getting drunk off his ass. He figured he’d just observe the craziness of everyone else since he basically was just getting over his hangover from the previous night. But, he noticed that Brendon was instigating the moving to more intense drinks. Beer became vodka, vodka became tequila, and tequila became shots of gin. Patrick stuck with his beer and just watched Brendon and Joe cross arms and drink each others shots. Andy was sitting on the sidelines with Patrick for the obvious straight edge reasons. After they swallowed their drinks, Brendon popped a lime wedge in each of their mouths before pouring more gin in the glasses. Brendon finished pouring their drinks and walked, well more like stumbled, over to Patrick.  
“Patrick, man. You gotta have some of this. It’s fucking delicious with the lime. It’s, like, the best fucking drink ever invented,” Brendon said. He was no lightweight at drinking but he could tell Brendon was a bit tipsy and off his game.  
“As much as I believe you, I’ll pass,” Patrick said.  
“Oh come on man. When’s the next time you are gonna be able to drink with me?” Brendon asked.   
“I guess one drink won’t hurt,” Patrick said.   
“Yesssssss,” Brendon said handing him a shot. Patrick cleared it and winced at the taste. Brendon shoved a lime wedge into his mouth. Patrick then nodded his head.  
“Oh, I see what you mean. That is pretty good,” he said.   
“Yeah man! I wasn’t lying! It’s the best ever,” Brendon said. Patrick laughed.  
“You wanna play a game?” Brendon asked.  
“What kinda game?” Patrick asked.  
“I know it’s slightly childish, but we should do ‘Never Have I Ever,’” Brendon said. Patrick rolled his eyes.  
“Wow, throwback to like sophomore year, but I’ll play,” Patrick agreed. Brendon had a wicked look in his eye.   
“You are gonna lose boy,” Brendon said.  
“In your dreams,” Patrick said. They sat down and poured some gin in two shot glasses. They then put the bottle of it between them. They each held up their fingers and stared each other in the eye.  
“I’ll go first. Never have I ever…slipped on stage at a performance,” Brendon said. Patrick grabbed his shot glass and took the drink. It stung the back of his throat as it went down. He closed his eyes and winced again.  
“You knew that I have because I’ve told the story to you of when I fell down one time in a small club here in Chicago,” Patrick whined.   
“Never said the game was fair,” Brendon said. Patrick narrowed his eyes.  
“Oh, it’s on,” he growled. Brendon smiled wickedly.  
“Bring it,” Brendon said.  
“Never have I ever gone to church,” Patrick said.  
“Fuck you,” Brendon said before taking his shot.  
“Again, you never said cheap shots weren’t allowed,” Patrick said. They continued for a few more minutes before each question was getting less intense and more open and person as they got more and more drunk.   
“Never have I ever…fooled around with a band member,” Brendon said. Patrick sighed and swallowed a shot.  
“You dirty boy! Who was it? I was totally bluffing,” Brendon said swallowing a drink.  
“Wait, you have too? Who?” Patrick asked.  
“Well, Dallon and I have touched each other to the point where it can be construed as fooling around. But wait, whoa. Who have you fooled around with?” Brendon asked while leaning in. Patrick didn’t want to answer but he knew he wasn’t sober enough to make up some clever lie. He moved his eyes in the direction of Pete. Brendon turned around to see that he was motioning toward Pete. He jerked back around.  
“Pete?” he hissed.   
“Shut the fuck up. No one else knows. It’s not exactly something we go vocalizing around here,” Patrick said.   
“No judgement at all whatsoever. But, I have to ask. What have you guys exactly done? If you don’t mind me asking,” Brendon questioned. Patrick shrugged. He figured he’s already dug himself a big enough hole. Telling Brendon everything now wouldn’t exactly hurt. Maybe he wouldn’t even remember since he was drunk.  
“We’ve made out a couple times and the last time we did…it may or may have not been leading toward a hand job,” Patrick admitted quietly.   
“Huh. When was this?” Brendon asked.  
“It may or may not have been somewhat recently…” Patrick said.  
“You wanna talk about what’s going on…?” Brendon asked more seriously.   
“I mean no. Not as in I don’t need someone to confide in because I totally do I mean no as in I can’t really explain it to you. I have no idea what the hell is going on in my life. I thought I was in love. I was suppose to be in love. I got married for a reason didn’t I? But Pete and I have always been so close but over the last year it’s been different. I’ve felt different. And just recently, like, within the past couple of weeks, we started doing stuff. And he says him and Meagen aren’t working out but I don’t want to be the cause of that nor do I wanna be in the middle. Also, I feel like complete shit for cheating on Elisa when she doesn’t deserve it at all. I just…I don’t know-“   
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Patrick stop,” Brendon interrupted. Patrick stopped and sighed.  
“You are super confused. Wow. Okay,” Brendon sat back. Patrick nodded.  
“So…in no way, shape, or form am I a professional advice giver or like psychiatrist or anything, but here’s my advice: You need to follow your heart. Which obviously is tough right now because you have no fucking clue what your heart wants. I think you do know what you want, it’s kinda obvious to me what you want. Your brain and your heart are in a disagreement so it’s making it difficult for you to think clearly and this is where all the stress and confusion is coming from. Whichever way you choose to go, you need to be honest. Everything will work itself out even though telling the other person what is going on will fucking suck for a while,” Brendon explained. Patrick sighed.   
“Patrick, you are a super sweet, smart, and sensitive guy. You are gonna work this out fine and you’ll know how to do it right. I have no concern for you because you can do this,” Brendon said. Patrick looked down sadly.  
“You already know what you want, right?” Brendon asked. Patrick nodded slowly.  
“I can’t…I just can’t act on it. This is wrong. I’m being wrong. I’m being unfair to both Pete and Elisa,” Patrick moaned. Brendon put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder.   
“Patrick, the world isn’t fair sometimes. You don’t always have to put others first to make yourself miserable. You’re important too. It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. Focusing on yourself is extremely important,” Brendon said. Patrick looked up at Brendon. Brendon nodded.   
“That’s hard for me,” Patrick said.  
“I know it is,” Brendon said. 

At the end of the night, Brendon decided to crash at the boys’ hotel. They all went back to the rooms and were about to pass out. They all weren’t totally trashed like they were the other night, but they were going to have a headache in the morning. Patrick walked into his bedroom and Pete stumbled in and closed the door. He stumbled over to Patrick and fell into kissing him. Patrick was going to stop himself but his judgement wasn’t exactly working either. He kissed back, selfishly, he thought. They were messy, drunk kisses. Pete moved his head onto Patrick’s neck. He put his hands behind Patrick’s head and indulged himself. Patrick let out a small moan. He fell back onto his bed pulling Pete back into his lips. He pulled Pete’s shirt off and ran his hands up and down his chest. Pete giggled and started unbuttoning Patrick’s shirt. Patrick felt a bit of self-consciousness rise up in his stomach. Having some body issues made taking his shirt off in front of other people uncomfortable. Before he could protest, Pete looked back and ran his fingers through Patrick’s hair.   
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” Pete said. Patrick blushed.  
“Not really. Look who’s talking? Mr, I-Have-Such-Toned-Muscles over here,” Patrick said.   
“Patrick, shut up,” Pete said before starting to unbutton his jeans. Patrick took Pete by his belt buckle and pulled him close.  
“God, you’re so in shape,” Patrick admired.   
“You’re not bad yourself,” Pete said. He slid Patrick’s pants down seeing the goofy ninja turtles boxers. Pete gave him a look.  
“Pete, if you say anything about them, I will fucking kill you,” Patrick said. Pete put his hands up.  
“Pete, believe it or not, and this is gonna sound super embarrassing, but I haven’t exactly done anything with a guy before so, I don’t know how this all works…besides from what I’ve heard or read…” Patrick said quietly. He was turning red. He was embarrassed because he didn’t have a chance to experiment much in high school. Pete smiled and looked down.  
“Oh Patrick, you don’t have to worry about that one bit. I’ll take good care of you,” Pete lusted. That turned Patrick on. He felt himself get slightly hard. Pete took notice and grinned wickedly.  
“Do you like when I talk dirty to you Patrick? I can tell. You completely flounder when I do,” Pete growled. Patrick breathed in deeply. He was nervous but also completely turned on. He closed his eyes.  
“Don’t lie to me Patrick,” Pete hissed. The way Pete annunciated the ‘K’ in his name made a shiver run down his spine.   
“Yes,” he breathed out heavily. Pete smirked. Pete pushed Patrick down onto his back and pulled down his boxers. Patrick was self-conscious but his rising boner was taking his focus away. He looked up and inhaled nervously. Pete licked on the inside of Patrick’s inner thigh. Patrick moaned out and thrusted up involuntarily.  
“Patrick you can’t start and get excited when I haven’t even started yet,” Pete whispered with a sly look on his face. Patrick put his fingers in his hair and tried to suppress the tempting urges. He closed his eyes tightly. Pete ran his fingers gently across Patrick’s chest trailing down to his thighs. Patrick inhaled. Pete took Patrick by the tip and began teasing him. Patrick moaned.  
“Pete…you can’t…I can’t” Patrick stuttered.   
“Shh, wait,” Pete said. He continued teasing Patrick. Patrick was being tortured by this. He was resisting everything but at the same time he was about to explode. All these thoughts of lust and desire were in his head. He was an animal. He was overcome with an untamable beast inside of him. All it wanted was to escape and pounce right back on top of Pete. Before Patrick lost it, Pete took him in. Patrick exhaled heavily and starting thrusting into Pete. Pete took him deeper. Patrick put his hands in Pete’s hair and gripped tightly. He moaned and let out sighs of pleasure.  
“Holy shit Pete, holy fucking shit,” Patrick moaned. He quickened his thrusts until he felt himself breaking.  
“Pete, I’m…I’m gonna,” he yelped. Pete made some affirming grunt that he was okay. Patrick comed and his body was in full orgasm. He couldn’t feel anything. His body weakened and fell limp. Pete came up and wiped his mouth. He lied down next to Patrick and nestled himself in Patrick’s neck. 

After a couple minutes of gasping for breath, Patrick’s thoughts returned to him. He spiraled into his guilt ridden and confused thoughts. He felt his face get hot. His stomach was turning in on itself. He looked over at Pete. Pete was passed out and asleep on his chest. He couldn’t. This was too much. It wasn’t bad that he just fucked his best friend, he took advantage of him when he was drunk. He felt like complete shit, a feeling he knew all too well. He felt a huge lump well up in his throat. He let out a huge sigh. He slid himself out from under Pete and grabbed his boxers from the floor. He hopped in his shower and hoped to rince himself of his guilt as well as his sweat. No matter how dark it was in the bathroom nor how hot the water temperature was, he couldn’t forget anything. He was caught up in the epitome of self-hate and disparity. Yet he couldn’t stop. Why couldn’t he stop himself when he got into these situations? He knew it was wrong to make out with Pete. He knew it was completely wrong and unfair to Elisa when he let Pete give him a blow job just then, yet that didn’t stop him. And what was he going to do when he got out of the shower? Curl up right next to Pete in his bed. He felt tears streaming down his face. He let a cry. He sat down under the stream of hot water. He curled up into a ball and just wished he had never done anything. He was sorry but at the same time he wasn’t. He was confused and so fucking done with all of these conflicting issues in his head. He felt trapped and he didn’t know what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Sometime while he was in the shower, he fell asleep. He rested his head against the shower wall and dozed off to sleep. He dreamed that he was in some big lake and he was drowning in this lake of his own thoughts. His confusion, guilt, anger, stress, etc. He was suffocating and struggling to breathe. He was being pulled down by some invisible weight tied to his feet. He was thrashing his arms about to try and hoist himself above the water. But it was too much and he ended up falling underneath the water. His vision started to blur and he couldn’t see anymore. He woke up to Pete shaking him awake from sleep. He jerked backward and was breathing extremely violently. Pete looked seriously concerned although he was still drunk and starting to become hungover. Patrick couldn’t do anything but put his head on Pete’s shoulder and start to cry. These dreams were becoming so real he was starting to think they were real life. He wanted to desperately escape them and he just felt like he was attached to some invisible cord that was yanking him back into this pit of nightmares. Pete pulled him into a real embrace. He gripped Patrick and wouldn’t let him go despite the fact he was soaking wet. 

Once Patrick had calmed down a bit, he helped him up and handed him a towel before turning off the water. Patrick dried off and pulled on some boxers and an old t-shirt. Pete helped him over to his bed. Patrick lied down underneath the sheets. Pete started to leave the room.  
“Pete,” Patrick whimpered. Pete turned around. He knew what Patrick wanted. He closed the door and walked over to the bed. He slid in next to Patrick and wrapped his arm around Patrick’s stomach.  
“You’re safe. I’m here with you. You can sleep. It’s okay to sleep and rest. I’m here right next to you,” Pete whispered. Patrick’s eyes were heavy and swollen. Pete nestled his nose on Patrick’s neck next to his damp hair. Patrick started to fall back into sleep. He inhaled deeply and then fell into sleep. 

In the morning, Patrick woke up to Pete’s arms still being wrapped around him. It was like he wouldn’t let anything hurt or touch Patrick. He was like his guardian as cheesy as it sounded. He shifted over and looked at Pete. He was still asleep soundly. He could smell the alcohol still on his breath from the night before. Patrick leaned over and kissed Pete on the lips gently. Pete opened his eyes slowly. He immediately realized what Patrick was doing and smiled.  
“Well, good morning to you too,” he said still half asleep. Patrick rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling.  
“Patrick, do you want to talk about last night?” Pete asked. Yes, he thought. But he was weary about unloading everything onto Pete. He didn’t want to get him involved in his problems. He thought he would be judged or shoved off. Besides, it wasn’t that big of a deal anyway.  
“Patrick, keeping this stuff in isn’t doing any good. You are just winding yourself up. If I had known that years ago…if I had talked to someone…” Pete said. Patrick knew Pete had experience with stuff like this and he knew better. He decided to confide in him, no matter how hard it would be. He sat up and started.

He started explaining how he hadn’t been sleeping well for the past couple months. He said how he’d been having a series of weird and terrifying dreams that would scare him to death and wake him up every night. He also talked about how he felt extremely guilty and terrible for cheating on Elisa and how he was confused and scared to make a decision about everything. Pete listened and looked sincerely at Patrick.  
“I mean, that’s basically most of it,” Patrick said. He sighed heavily. Pete looked into Patrick’s eyes. He put an arm on Patrick’s shoulder.  
“Man, that is some heavy shit you are dealing with. I wish you’d have told me sooner. I want to help you,” Pete said.  
“That’s the problem. You can’t help with most of it. That’s why I felt telling you would be useless. It’s just giving you unnecessary baggage to deal with,” Patrick sighed.  
“No it’s not, Patrick don’t say that. That’s not true. I may not be able to help you with all of it but just having someone to talk to and get opinions from is help enough,” Pete explained. Patrick looked away.  
“I’m sorry…I should have told you…I just…I…it’s…” Patrick stammered.  
“You don’t have to explain. I get it. I’m glad you told me,” Pete said.  
“I mean you already kinda knew about Elisa…” Patrick said.  
“Sure, but I didn’t know the extent of it,” Pete said. Patrick looked down. Pete sighed.  
“Please tell me this stuff when it’s going through your mind. I don’t like seeing you in pain like this. You helped me through a lot of difficult times in my life and I want to be able to do the same for you. It kills me to see you like this,” Pete said. Patrick turned away and had a sad look in his eye.  
“Pete, it’s hard for me…I…I can’t just completely unload…I feel like I’m being selfish and my insignificant problems are just not important enough to burden onto others,” Patrick confessed. Pete was really saddened by this. He had been there before. He remembered those similar feelings.  
“I’ve been there too. But it’s not good keeping everything bottled in like that to yourself. It builds up to a point where it explodes and you reach the breaking point. You get so low and to a point where everything is too much and the pressure breaks. I don’t want you to get there. Being there isn’t…you don’t want to be there,” Pete said quietly. Patrick turned and looked back at Pete.  
“I know. But I feel like every time I reiterate my problems it’s just not worth it. It’s the same problems. It’s been that way for a while. And I can’t…I don’t want to…be a burden,” Patrick said slowly and glumly. Pete pulled Patrick into his arms. He put Patrick’s head on his shoulder.  
“You are anything but a burden, Patrick. There are people who love and care about you that don’t want to see you get there. I…I care about you,” Pete said his voice wavering. Patrick knew Pete was tearing up.  
“I can’t let you cry over me,” Patrick said quietly. He felt a lump welling up in his throat. He didn’t want Pete and him to have this huge pity party for him. He couldn’t. It was so selfish.  
“You, are, enough, Patrick,” Pete said brokenly. He didn’t know why, but at this, Patrick completely unraveled and broke down. He didn’t know if he was somewhat relieved or if he was heartbroken at seeing Pete like this or if he felt guilty that they were so invested in something seemingly so small and selfish toward Patrick. He guess he was a bit relieved. He grew up always thinking he wasn’t good enough or he wasn’t the best. He was always judging himself harshly. _You aren’t skinny enough, you aren’t athletic enough, you don’t sing the best, do you even deserve this?_ were examples of plenty of the thoughts that bothered him in the past and some still to this day. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for himself, but to be good enough for Pete, it meant something to him. 

He gripped Pete’s shoulders tightly and let everything out. Patrick cried into Pete for a good ten minutes while Pete rubbed Patrick’s back and silently choked back tears unsuccessfully. Then, Patrick straightened himself up and went to shower up and start packing. Pete left the room to do the same in his. They performed tonight and then they were back on the bus to Ohio. Patrick wished he’d had more time to spend in Chicago. He knew he’d be back to living here in a short couple of months. Well, if he was returning to life with Elisa. He couldn’t think about that right now. He knew he needed to figure it out. Putting it off was absolutely no good. It just kept giving him stress. As much as he didn’t want to sort through everything, he knew he needed to. 

He threw his clothes into one of his bags on the ground. Once he was all set to go, he decided to go shower and get dressed for the day. After showering, he got in a purple t-shirt and a grey jean jacket and black slender jeans. He went into his bedroom and grabbed his iPod and earbuds. He desperately needed a music recuperation. Music was his Xanax. It calmed him down and made him chill. He put in his earbuds and began soaking into the music. He closed his eyes and began becoming part of the music. He listened to some Elvis Costello and Michael Jackson. Then he figured he needed something a bit more hardcore because he just felt angry and needed to get it out. The good thing about his iPod (and Patrick in general) is that he liked all different types of genres of music. So, if you wanted something, he had it on his iPod. He switched on some Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and his favorite, Metallica. He started nodding his head to the beat. He mouthed along the lyrics and squeezed his eyes closed tightly. He started to feel better so he started to pretend like he was playing the guitar during the shredder solos. When he was doing one, Joe walked in and saw him totally mid-riff. He laughed and Patrick opened his eyes and blushed. He paused the music and pulled an earbud out.  
“Having fun there, Slash?” Joe asked raising an eyebrow. Patrick half-smiled.  
“Obviously just practicing,” Patrick said. Joe rolled his eyes.  
“Oh but I could never be as good as you per-se,” Patrick said gesturing. Joe shrugged in agreement and then laughed.  
“We’re gonna go get breakfast/lunch with Brendon at Medici before we hop on the bus. You coming?” Joe asked.  
“Totes, gimme two seconds,” Patrick said.  
“Patrick please don’t go white girl on me. If you order a non-fat vanilla latte at breakfast, I’m going to kill you,” Joe said. Patrick chuckled.  
“No worries,” Patrick assured. Joe nodded and walked out of the room. Patrick put in his other earbud and finished the song before getting up and walking out into the lounge to meet them. Brendon looked slightly tired.  
“Time change bitch-slapping you, Brendon?” Pete asked. Brendon nodded yawning.  
“Like a bitch,” Brendon said.  
“You gotta get used to basically no sleep. Tour is gonna be hell for you,” Andy said.  
“I know man. Once I start, my whole ‘extra tour energy’ kicks in and I’m fine during those months but after that, I need to sleep for a week. I also will probably want to never eat grease food again. Well, until like a week after that. Sarah’s like all prepared for that. She’s said we are gonna do a totally green and vegan diet the week tour ends. I doubt that’ll last,” Brendon admitted.  
“I give you two days of that vegan diet before you bail and go get a cheeseburger,” Pete said.  
“I give him a day,” Joe said. Brendon laughed.  
“Such little faith! You know, maybe I’ll go on that diet for like the whole month? How about that?” Brendon asked cocking his head sideways.  
“Oh damn, tough guy vegan here,” Andy said. The boys laughed.  
“Andy, I give you props. You eat that stuff regularly. Big time kudos,” Brendon said.  
“Yeah. I tried the whole vegetarian diet thing and it didn’t really work out for me. Especially not on the road,” Patrick said.  
“It gets easier after you’ve done it for sometime. You get used to being somewhat limited. And places are getting a lot better with having alternative options so it’s nice,” Andy said.  
“Well, who’s hungry? Because I’m starving and I’m not going to be back in Chicago for sometime so I want a good filling breakfast,” Pete enthused. The other boys nodded and followed him out the door to leave. They all left the hotel and jumped in a rented car that one of their managers had gotten for them. They let Joe drive as he knew how to navigate Chicago traffic the best. It was Friday so traffic was going to be extremely hellish. The restaurant was about twenty minutes away but with traffic they got there in about forty-five.


	8. Chapter 8

When they arrived, they all hopped out of the car eagerly to sit down and eat. They sat down and all quickly looked over the menu. They were really hungry so they really didn’t care what they ate. It just needed to come out good and fast. When the waitress came over, they all immediately told her their orders. When she went away to put the orders in, they were goofing around by blowing straw wrappers at each other. The walls and booths had writing on them everywhere so they decided to write on them as well. They found a small spot on the wall next to them where they each autographed their names before drawing the Fall Out Boy logo in the middle of the four boys names.  
“Well this is awkward. Not a Fall Out Boy. BUT that’s okay. I didn’t want to be apart of it anyway!” Brendon said pretending to pout. They rolled their eyes. Brendon signed his name and put a little exclamation next to his name. In case any fans came in here, they would know they ate here at some point. Also, if they were to ever come back, they could know and find where they are. A few minutes later, the food came out piping out. Their mouths were watering and once she put everyone’s plate down, they began digging in and devouring everything in site.  
“Oh, my god, this food is better than sex,” Joe said. The boys looked at Joe with half frowns and ‘Are you serious’ looks on their faces.  
“Ok, maybe not better than. But it’s seriously so good,” Joe insisted. They all agreed.  
“Wow, I haven’t had scratch made pancakes in a while and these are little so fucking good. See, having boys from Chicago makes the eating and having fun experiences so much better because you guys have the hookup,” Brendon said. Patrick shrugged.  
“If we ever get caught in Vegas at the same time, you have to do the same for us,” he said.  
“Oh yeah definitely! I have plenty of childhood places that we could have a blast and get some rocking food as well,” Brendon exclaimed.  
“Dank. Is that what the kids are saying these days? Dank? Right?” Patrick asked.  
“Patrick, you went from to extremely white boy to grandpa,” Pete said. Patrick laughed and put his head in his arm.  
“Not to mention he was a white girl this morning saying ‘totes’,” Joe chimed in.  
“Patrick I think you should just stop with the capital ‘K’ cool kids lingo. It doesn’t sound good on anyone past age 14,” Brendon said.  
“Probably. I like to use it ironically by making fun of it. Like yolo?” Patrick said. The boys groaned.  
“Please never say the word yolo in my presence ever again. I literally want to shoot whoever created it. Along with the person who made ‘selfie’,” Brendon groaned.  
Unfortunately, I doubt this generation will stop saying that for a while,” Andy said. They all shrugged in agreement. After they finished eating, Patrick walked to a near by drug store on a whim. The other boys were curious on what he was doing but they were a bit behind him. Patrick had quickly gotten there and was already browsing the aisles. He found exactly what he needed and bought it. He ran out of the drug store and flagged down a cab. The other boys were super confused and looked at him strangely when they saw him getting in.  
“Where the hell are you going?” Pete called out.  
“I’ll be right back. I need to do something,” Patrick yelled back. Pete turned around and put his hands up. Patrick sat down in the cab and told the cab driver to take him back to the hotel. He ran upstairs to their room and ran to the bathroom. He took out the small box from the plastic bag and set it on the counter. He looked at it and contemplated whether he should do it or not. _Fuck it,_ he thought and picked it up and opened it. He took out the small bottle and read the label. “Hair Bleach Kit” it read. He sighed and began reading the directions on how to apply it.

Forty minutes later, he rinsed out his hair and dried it off. Sure enough, it looked like he had gone back to his Soul Punk era. Except he was missing the suits and fingerless gloves. He wondered whether or not he shouldn’t have bleached it again. He started to regret it slightly. Well, it’s too late now, he thought. He ran his fingers through it and styled it a bit. He picked up his phone and saw that Brendon and Pete had called him 3-4 times each. He called them back and told them he was coming to meet up with them. They had gone to Starbucks to grab some pick me ups. He grabbed a fedora and left the room. He left the hotel and went to meet up with them. When he walked into the Starbucks, he walked over to the little seated area where they were. Pete immediately starting grinning when he saw the strands of bleached hair poking out of the fedora.  
“You decided to do it!” Pete exclaimed. Patrick nodded.  
“Dude, what made you want to do it? Not that I don’t like it but you totally ditched on us like all of a sudden?” Brendon asked. Patrick shrugged.  
“I don’t know. I just had this weird feeling that I needed to do it,” Patrick said.  
“It looks good man! I did always like your bleached hair when you had it,” Joe noted. He tipped his fedora in Joe’s direction.  
“Take the hat off, let me see all of it,” Pete said. Patrick took of the top and exposed the bright, freshly bleached hair. Pete’s smile grew.  
“You can even still smell the chemicals,” Pete said.  
“Throwback to, like, 2011 Patrick,” Joe said.  
“Yeah…I’m not sure if I like it, but I guess I can’t do anything about it now,” Patrick said.  
“It looks good I promise you,” Pete said. Patrick smiled lightly.  
“Well, we have to go back to the hotel. It’s time to get on the bus for sound check,” Joe said. They stood up and got in the rental car and drove back to the Peninsula. They knew it was time to say goodbye to Brendon since they probably wouldn’t see him later. They all gave him a hug and said goodbye.  
“It was super fun to see you man. We have to do it again sometime soon. No more of this, like, months and months before we see each other,” Pete said.  
“Yeah definitely. Hopefully this time it’ll be in Vegas and I can show you guys around,” Brendon said. Brendon looked at Patrick and hugged him while Pete and the others were getting on the bus.  
“It was really nice to see you, Patrick. This whole situation you’re in will work itself out, I promise. You are smart and I have a good feeling about this,” Brendon said while hugging him. Patrick pulled out and looked slightly saddened.  
“You got this,” Brendon said.  
“Thank you, Brendon. I hope it does too. I’m gonna miss you so hopefully we can meet up again sometime soon. Say hi to Sarah and the others for me,” Patrick said.  
“Will do. Kill it tonight for the hometown,” Brendon said. Patrick nodded and started walking into the bus. He waved to Brendon and Brendon waved back.  
“Patrick, text me if you need anything!” Brendon called out. Patrick gave him a thumbs up and walked into the bus. He sat down on his bunk and felt his heart sink. He wished he wasn’t back on this bus so soon and he wished he could have had more time to hang out with Brendon. He lied down on his bed and put his earbuds in and drifted off to sleep. 

He dreamed that he was standing out in front of his and Elisa’s house. He opened the door and walked in to see everything shattered and broken. The windows and back door were open and thrashing all about. He walked up the stairs to their bedroom and saw her sat on the floor. The wind blew violently and blew everything off the walls of the bedroom. He walked over and sat down next to her. She was holding her wedding and engagement rings in her hand and crying over them.  
 _How could you?_ she said choking out tears. He tried to comfort her by pulling her hair away from her face but she turned away from him. She stood up and walked to the window and threw out the rings. He walked over to her and pulled her into a hug.  
 _Do I mean anything to you?_ she asked. She pulled away from him.  
 _I…I…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you…I have no idea what I’m doing…_ he stuttered. She looked up at him and grabbed his left hand. She pulled off the wedding band and tossed it out the window.  
 _I…this meant something. I can’t be unfair to you. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m so sorry. I can’t…_ he cried. She backed up, tears filling her eyes.  
 _Goodbye, Patrick_ she said softly. She then fell backwards out the window into the white light. Patrick ran to the window to try and grab her but he couldn’t. He ended up screaming her name into the light. He was awoken by Andy tapping him.  
“You were talking in your sleep. Something about Elisa and apologizing for something. It sounded like a bad dream. You were shaking in your sleep,” Andy said.  
“Thanks,” was all Patrick could manage. He had had it up to here with these stupid fucking dreams. He could never just have a normal night’s sleep. Andy walked away and Pete stood up and leaned against Patrick’s bed.  
“Hey Texas Ranger,” Pete said. Patrick just kinda looked at him tiredly.  
“You wanna talk about it?” Pete asked. Patrick shook his head.  
“Why did I have to get the fucked up life? Why can’t everything be simple? The world is basically just like, ‘Let’s make everything fucking difficult for Patrick. That’ll be fun,’” Patrick shouted. Joe and Andy heard Patrick yelling but they awkwardly pretended that they didn’t hear it because they had no intention of getting involved.  
“Life gets like that sometimes. You have to work through it,” Pete said.  
“What if I don’t wanna work through it? What if I just want it to be better? I feel I’ve been pretty damn patient Pete and if the world is just gonna shit on everything…” Patrick yelled. At that, Joe looked up and made a face at Pete. Pete nodded and looked back at Patrick.  
“Let’s talk about this over here,” Pete said. He lead Patrick into the bathroom and closed the door.  
“Any reason you decided to take me into the bathroom?” Patrick sassed.  
“Calm down. There’s no reason to giving me lip,” Pete said.  
“Not like I haven’t already given you plenty of my lip. You’ve been up all on it for the past three days,” Patrick retorted. Pete bit his lip.  
“Patrick, I know I’m probably not picking the right time to talk to you considering you definitely woke up on the wrong side of the fucking bed,” Pete said.  
“Why do I have to be so fucking perfect for everyone? I always have to be so cheery and pretend nothing’s wrong,” Patrick yelled.  
“No one’s asking you-“  
“Really? Because this has happened plenty of times in the past and no one has given two shits about it,” Patrick interrupted.  
“Did you not listen or soak in anything I told you? I said it’s not good to keep everything bottled up,” Pete said. Patrick rolled his eyes.  
“Look Patrick, believe it or not, I’m not interested in being your little bitch fit friend. So if you’re gonna sit here and be a fucking pill and have a pity party for yourself, count me out,” Pete said sternly.  
“No one asked you to be here anyway,” Patrick snapped. Pete sighed angrily and walked out of the bathroom. Patrick sat down on the tile floor and put his face in his hands. He was so frustrated. He felt bad that he had taken his own personal issues out on Pete but Pete was just wanting into Patrick’s life so badly. Patrick wanted to let him in but it’s hard. It’s much harder than Pete could understand. Most of it was Patrick’s own insecurities and fear to be misunderstood or rejected. He put his head back against the wall and breathed out heavily. He needed this to be over soon. He couldn’t take much more of this stress. He was starting to feel physically sick by all of this anxiety and lack of sleep. He decided to try and go nap again before they arrived at the venue. He walked out and quickly hopped on his bunk. He avoided eye contact with Pete as he was sitting and talking to Joe. He laid down on the bed and fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

An hour and a half later, they arrived at the First Midwest Bank Amphitheater. It was in Tinley Park which was South of Chicago. The band had performed here a couple times in the past. He also had many memories of coming and seeing bands perform there too growing up. As he walked onto the stage for sound check, he got a text from his mom.

 _Hey sweetie! Excited to seeing you boys perform tonight! Break a leg! Lots of love <3 :)_

He had forgotten that all of their parents were coming tonight. He was excited but also slightly terrified. He always got nervous performing in front of his parents. He had this feeling that he would mess up and forget or something stupid and impractical. And it hadn’t happened in the past (hadn’t happened yet) but you never know. He texted back.

 _Thank you! Hope you guys enjoy the show! I’m excited to see you and hopefully dad if he makes it._

He was immediately more on his toes now. He felt jittery all of a sudden and was just trying his best to keep his composure. Unfortunately, he was failing at it. He walked up to the mic to begin sound check. He grabbed his guitar and began tuning it up before they started playing. When they started ‘I Don’t Care’, Patrick accidentally croaked out the first note. He winced and continued. His voice was slightly wavering and shaking. _Patrick, calm down. It’s just another show. You’ve performed for your parents like a thousand times before. You’re being unreasonable,_ he thought. He shoved his nerves back and finished sound check. The rest went better than it started but he couldn’t shake his nervousness. He walked off stage and into the bus. He hand’t said anything to Pete since their fight. Pete was avoiding him like the black plague. He had gone over to Paramore’s bus and began chatting with Hayley and Taylor. Joe and Andy were playing ‘Sacks’ with Jeremy and the New Politics boys. Patrick was, again, the anti-social one. He felt bad but he didn’t really feel like going and talking. He was in a sour mood and didn’t really feel like being fake happy. 

He decided to do something that was completely illogical and seemingly suicidal. He called Elisa. He had no idea what he was going to say to her but he did. He hadn’t talked to her in a week. He figured she had been busy with work. Which did not make this whole situation easier. It just reminded him in the back of his mind that even though she wasn’t texting or calling, doesn’t mean she didn’t exist. He dialed the number. Each ring was a death note. His heart was pounding. He was praying she didn’t pick up. He couldn’t face her. He couldn’t.  
“Hey Patrick! I was going to call you later today. How are you?” Elisa picked up on the last ring. His heart sunk. It was bittersweet for him. He missed her and was glad to be hearing her voice on one hand. On the other hand, he felt extremely guilty and couldn’t say anything. He was trying to speak but nothing was coming out. Finally, he collected himself and answered. _I can’t tell her now. Not over the phone. Not like this,_ he thought.  
“Hi sweetie. I’m fine. I hadn’t heard from you in a while so I thought I’d call in and check on you. What is new with you? How’s work?” Patrick asked. He was trying his best to hold his own and fight the urge to break down in tears.  
“Work is good. It’s been keeping me super busy. But hey, life of an engineer right? I’m certain the tour has been keeping you busy and full of stress, am I right?” she asked. He smiled. She knew him so well. It made it harder to respond to every question with his secret hidden.  
“Oh god, yes. I’m a big bundle of nerves. I’m having a blast but yes it has certainly drained my energy level and everything,” Patrick said.  
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. I miss you a lot though,” she said. A lump formed in Patrick’s throat. He bit his lip to keep the tears from flowing.  
“I miss you too. You have no idea,” Patrick said fighting the tears.  
“I know you’ll be home soon. This will fly by so fast you won’t even know it. You’ll blink and it’ll be gone. You’ll miss it when you’re home,” she said.  
“I don’t know. Maybe. I need a break after all this. Maybe just to write for a while. To write uninterrupted for a while,” Patrick said. _And sort out my fucked up version of a life,_ he thought.  
“I think that would be good for you. Well anyway, I’m glad you called. I like hearing your voice. I can’t wait for you to get back. What city are you in right now?” Elisa asked.  
“It’s actually a funny story. I’m in Chicago right now,” he said.  
“No kidding! God, I wish I could come down and see you but after I finish with work and with traffic and everything I doubt I’d be able to get down there in time,” she said. He could hear the desperation and disappointment in her voice.  
“I know. I wish you could have come down. My parents are coming today. Well, at least my mom is. I’m not sure if my dad’ll make it or not,” Patrick noted.  
“I’m sure he will. Say hi to them for me if you see them after the show,”  
“I will,” There was a moment of silence.  
“Well, I have to get back to work now. I have a late shift tonight ugh. Working on a big project so that’s what I’ve been doing while you’re gone,” Elisa said.  
“Well, get back to inventing the new biggest thing and saving the world,” Patrick said. She laughed.  
“I’ll make sure I do. I love you,” she said. His stomach turned and sunk.  
“I love you too,” he said. He meant it. He just wished he didn’t feel so horribly guilty.  
“I’ll talk to you later this week,” she said.  
“Okay. Talk to you soon,” he said, his voice almost wavering.  
“Okay babe. Bye,” she said before hanging up. He pulled the phone away from his ear and saw the call disconnect and end. Was he lying to her by pretending everything was normal when it wasn’t? Was he a bad person for waiting to tell her? He couldn’t tell. Good and bad choices were blurring together into one big meld of uncertainty and confusion. He put the phone back into his pocket. He heard the door open and he looked back. It was Joe grabbing a beer. He was laughing about something.  
“Hey man! You should come play ‘Sacks’ with us! Pete, Hayley and Taylor are taking bets that me and David are gonna win. You could come join in on the fun,” Joe said.  
“Thanks man, but I gotta call my mom. I’m not sure if she wants to try to coordinate dinner or something before the show tonight,” he lied. It sounded like a viable excuse.  
“Oh, okay. Well, when you’re done, you should come join the par-tay,” Joe exaggerated. Patrick gave him a weak smile and a nod. Joe opened the door to leave and almost ran into Pete. He swerved around Pete and walked out the bus. Pete looked awkwardly at Patrick. Patrick turned his head away. _Should I say something? I have to. I can’t be pissed at him for nothing,_ he thought. He turned back toward Pete.  
“I just got off the phone with Elisa,” Patrick started.  
“Did you tell her?” Pete asked bitterly. Patrick shook his head.  
“I couldn’t. I didn’t think it was right to tell her over the phone. I figured I’d tell her in person,” Patrick explained.  
“I think that’s smart,” Pete said tersely.  
“Although, the longer I wait, the more painful it’s going to be to admit it to her,” Patrick sighed. Patrick could tell Pete was still mad at him. He knew he probably should apologize and beg for forgiveness, but something was stopping him. Pete didn't seem very forgiving right now anyway. Pete grabbed a twenty dollar bill from one of his dirty jean pockets and walked out of the bus. Patrick sighed and pulled himself up onto his bunk. He put in his earbuds and pulled out his phone. He began writing some lyrics down on his phone. He had no idea what context or even for what song he could possibly use them for but he had had them in his mind for a while so he figured to put them down just in case they ever used/needed them.


	10. Chapter 10

Later, it was show time. The boys walked out on stage and started their set. They played half way through until Pete announced that their parents were in the audience and watching. He then talked about how they remembering coming and watching shows here as well as this being one of their first venues they performed at. He shared the memories with the crowd and watched everyone go screaming as they joined in one to create more memories. Patrick walked over to Joe while Pete was doing his little monologue. He whispered something to him and then walked over to Andy and told him the same thing. They both looked at him like he was crazy but agreed to whatever he said. Patrick then went up to the mic when Pete finished talking.  
“Pete here doesn’t know we were gonna do this song, but I figured we’d share it with you guys. We can reminisce and feel nostalgic with this song,” Patrick said. The audience was a quieted down as they heard Joe start strumming his guitar. Patrick stepped up to the mic and started singing the lyrics.  
“I loved everything about you that hurt, so let me see your moves, let me see your moves,” The audience immediately joined in when they recognized the song. Pete looked utterly confused and horrified. He ad-libbed and joined in when he realized what song they were doing. Patrick continued singing and he occasionally looked over at Pete. Pete had this weird mix of happiness and confusion on his face. He smiled and began to laugh. Patrick smiled at this and sung his lungs out.  
“It’s a strange way of saying that I know I’m suppose to love you. I’m suppose to love you,” Patrick sung. Pete finally understood and blushed under the stage lights. They finished the song and the audience screamed and applauded. Patrick laughed breathlessly and Pete walked over and hugged Patrick on stage. The audience aww’d and screamed. Joe knew exactly what had been happening and had a smug look on his face while Andy had finally caught on to what was going on. 

They finished the show and waved goodbye to the audience. They walked off stage and the boys surrounded Patrick.  
“Patrick just decided to go balls out during the show and change up the set list,” Joe said.  
“Sorry about that. I just had the weirdest fucking whim to play that song and it had been bothering me the whole show,” Patrick said.  
“Nah man, it’s cool. We worked it out. Just next time, I’d prefer to be warned on these random whims of yours,” Joe said.  
“I’ll do my best to inform you,” Patrick said.  
“Damn, I didn’t think the audience would go that crazy over that song though. It is always flattering to hear when they sing along to the old stuff. Just reminds me that we have a hell of a dedicated fan base,” Pete said.  
“Yeah, I get complaints that we don’t play enough old stuff so I guess it does help that we did this for them. Hopefully no one gets upset that we played it only here,” Patrick said.  
“I doubt they will and if they do just brush it off,” Pete said. They walked back to the bus. Andy and Joe were ahead talking on the phone while Pete pulled Patrick behind with him.  
“What was the real reason you played that song?” Pete asked with a smile on his face.  
“I’m sorry. It was my stupid and cheesy was of apologizing,” Patrick said.  
“I know. I just like to hear you say it,” Pete said. Patrick shoved Pete to the side.  
“Is it so hard to admit you love me Patrick Stump?” Pete teased.  
“It might just kill me,” he said sarcastically. Pete rolled his eyes. They got close to the bus and saw the bodyguards and their producers and managers talking. Andy and Joe looked concerned too.  
“What’s going on?” Pete asked.  
“The buses broke down. Completely shot. There is no way we are getting out on the road tonight,” Andy said. Pete and Patrick’s faces dropped.  
“What’s the next stop on the tour?” Patrick asked.  
“Ohio,” Joe answered.  
“Okay, well, can’t we just fly there?” Patrick asked.  
“There’s no way we would be able to get all of the gear and stuff on the plane before tomorrow on such short notice. And even if we did, it wouldn’t help the fact that we would be left without a bus to rest on and travel the next night too,” one of the producers said. Pete bit his lip.  
“Well, what does it look like we are gonna do?” Andy asked.  
“Unless we can find a mechanic that can fix this before tomorrow, you are looking at canceling the show in at least Ohio, if not Tennessee as well,” the producer said.  
“We can’t just cancel on those fans, they’ve bought tickets and some have traveled and made plans and stuff. It would be such an upset and completely unfair to them,” Patrick argued. The producer shrugged.  
“I know and realize that. But we might need to do that. We would need to reschedule the date or dates to the end of the tour,” he said. Patrick was really frustrated. He hated when this happened to fans. He felt so bad. He hated having to announce that they couldn’t come.  
“Well, get someone on calling and finding someone that’s open late. There has to be something around here,” Patrick insisted.  
“We’re doing our best. Just relax. It’s not the end of the world if it get’s cancelled for tomorrow night. We’ll reschedule the date to the end of the tour,” the producer said. Patrick sighed. He walked away and sat near the exit of the stage. Pete walked over to him.  
“This sucks ass,” he said.  
“I can’t tell fans that have arranged their schedule around this performance and have spent money on these tickets and have been waiting months and months for this that they can’t come and they have to wait till the end of August, early September,” Patrick said.  
“I know. I’ll feel completely shitty about it if this doesn’t work itself out. But, if we do try to look on the bright side, if we do get stuck here, we have another day in Chicago,” Pete said.  
“I understand that. I just wish it didn’t have to be under these circumstances,” Patrick sighed.  
“Yeah, me too,” Pete said. Patrick then got a call from his mom.  
“Hey Mom, what’s up?” Patrick asked.  
“Patrick! You guys were so great tonight! You totally blew it out of the park!” Patrick’s mom enthused.  
“Thanks Mom. That means a lot,” Patrick said.  
“I was just calling to see if I could drop by your bus to say ‘hi’ to you and the boys before you all took off,” she said.  
“Sure, but it doesn’t look like we are gonna be leaving tonight,” Patrick said.  
“Why not?” she asked.  
“Something happened with the buses and now they won’t start up. They have no idea what is going on with them so we might be stuck here for the night,” he said.  
“Oh no! That’s awful. I bet that’s gonna mess up your tour schedule right?” she said.  
“You have no idea,” he breathed out.  
“Well, I’ll stop over and see if I can be of any help. Maybe I can pull a few strings with some mechanic if I know them,” she said.  
“We’ll see. If you walk toward the stage there should still be some crewbies packing up some stuff. Just walk through to them and tell them your my mom and they’ll let you back there. Once you get out of the stage, you’ll see the buses,” Patrick instructed.  
“Alright, I’ll be there in a couple minutes,” she said. Patrick put his phone in his pocket after his mom hung up. He ran his hands through his hair and froze immediately. He was going to have to explain the bleached hair. He had his fedora on during the performance so no one could really see it. But in person, she was sure bound to ask. And he knew she was going to ask about Elisa too. He hadn’t really thought this whole thing through.  
“Who was that?” Pete asked.  
“My mom. She’s coming to say ‘hi’” Patrick said.  
“Okay, so why’d you freeze up?” Pete asked.  
“Because I’m going to have to explain my hair, again. I really didn’t enjoy it the first time I had to explain the bleached hair and a second time is not going to be any better,” Patrick explained. Pete nodded and made an ‘Ahh’ sound.  
“Well, you are a 30 year old guy so you can make your own decisions,” Pete said.  
“Ha, well, doesn’t mean your mother can’t come interject her opinion into your life,” Patrick said.  
“Mothers tend to do that,” Pete said.  
“Wow, thanks Captain Obvious. I totally didn’t know,” Patrick sassed.  
“Just saying,” Pete said.  
“I also have to talk about Elisa…which I’m not all that comfortable talking about,” Patrick admitted.  
“Just relax. Maybe it won’t come up,” Pete said. Patrick shrugged. They both walked over to the buses and saw Patrick’s mom had just shown up and was hugging Joe and Andy. Patrick took a deep breath in. Here we go, he thought. Patrick’s mom turned around and her face lit up when she saw Patrick. She immediately embraced him  
“Patrick it’s so good to see you!” she said into his shoulder.  
“It’s good to see you too,” he said. She pulled back and saw his hair.  
“You’ve dyed your hair again, haven’t you?” she said running her hands in his hair.  
“Yeah, it was an ‘on a whim’ thing,” he said.  
“Well, it wouldn’t be my choice but whatever. Not my hair,” she said passive aggressively. He sighed silently. As she was about to continue, she saw Pete and she began to smile.  
“Hi Pete! Congratulations on the baby! I heard the big news with Meagen!” she said hugging him.  
“Thanks so much Ms. Stump. I’m as thrilled as ever,” Pete said genuinely.  
“I bet you are! Give her my best,” she said.  
“I will,” he said. Patrick and Pete looked at each other momentarily and then turned to the bus.  
“Have you heard any news on what’s going on with this bus?” she asked. Patrick shook his head.  
“I have no clue what’s going on. Last time I checked, they were calling places,” Patrick said.  
“I hope you guys get back on track. It would be a huge bummer if you didn’t,” she said.  
“It’d be more than a huge bummer. It’d be a disaster,” Patrick expressed.  
“I have confidence in our guys,” Pete said. Patrick’s mom looked over at the bus and frowned.  
“It doesn’t like you guys are gonna get moving soon,” she said. Patrick groaned in his head. _We are aware of this,_ he thought.  
“Anyway, Patrick. How’s Elisa? Did she come tonight?” she asked. _Right on cue,_ he thought.  
“She’s fine. She did not come tonight because she had work. She’s working on some big project for work so she couldn’t make it,” he said.  
“Any plans with making a family? Any progress on that end?” she questioned. Pete winced and knew she had asked the wrong thing. Patrick sighed out.  
“No. We’ve not gotten any farther than we were a couple months back,” Patrick said as politely as he possibly could.  
“I just don’t understand how you aren’t up for this whole family thing. If you wait too long, you’re going to be ancient by the time your kid is a teenager,” she said. Patrick rolled his eyes. Pete awkwardly walked away from the inevitable shit that was about to hit the fan.  
“Look mom, I appreciate the concern. But my marriage is my marriage. Elisa and I will choose when we want to have kids, IF we choose to have kids,” Patrick said. His mom shook her head.  
“I can tell she wants them,” she murmured.  
“Believe it or not, a relationship is between two people. So, we need a mutual understanding on that whole end,” he said. She shut her mouth.  
“No need to to be so feisty about it. Just making small talk,” she muttered. Patrick rolled his eyes.  
“No, making small talk is talking about the tour or the weather or anything else besides the inter workings of my marriage and whether or not we are gonna have kids,” he said. She sighed.  
“I just want the best for you, Patrick,” she said. He bit his cheek and refrained from saying anything else. Pete walked back over to Patrick.  
“What’s going with the bus?” Patrick asked.  
“They can’t find a repair shop that is open. They’ve left dozens of messages and they are gonna try first thing in the morning. Meanwhile, they are gonna see if they can find some other way for us to get there. But there’s no way to know if we are gonna know until the morning,” Pete said. _Ugh, great,_ he thought.  
“Do they know where we are gonna crash for the night? Are we just gonna stay on the buses?” he asked.  
“No, cause they don’t want crazy fans or anyone tampering with the buses. I called Brendon and he asked his hotel if we could stay there for the night and they said ‘sure’ so that’s where we’re headed,” Pete said.  
“It’ll do. Hope this works out,” Patrick said.  
“Well, we are gonna pack up quickly and head off to the hotel. They are getting a rental truck to help move stuff and they told us to take everything we need off the buses so we better go do that,” Pete said trying to make an alibi for Patrick. Patrick took the hint and decided to wrap up with his mom.  
“Mom, I hate to shuffle you out of here, but this is just not our night. I should help the guys move stuff from the buses to the truck since all of this is going on,” Patrick explained.  
“No, no. I understand. This is some bad luck. Well, let me know in the morning what ends up happening with all of this. It was good to see you,” she said. She gave him one last hug and a kiss on the cheek before she left. Patrick sighed and walked to help the other boys out with unloading everything. 

About an hour and a half later, they finally finished moving everything off the buses and onto the truck and were on their way to the Four Seasons. Brendon was waiting outside to help them unpack some stuff and get settled in.  
“Wow this is some shit luck man. I’m sorry this all happened,” Brendon said.  
“Yeah, me too. If we have to cancel, I’m going to be super upset,” Patrick said sadly.  
“I’ll see if I can make some calls to anyone to see if I can get some strings pulled. Maybe I have a friend who knows someone who can get you guys there for tomorrow night,” Brendon said.  
“Thanks man, but you don’t have to do that. The producers and our managers have been making calls all night and haven’t found anything,” Patrick said.  
“It’s worth a shot,” Brendon said.  
They unloaded the stuff into the two hotel rooms. As soon as they finished unpacking, Patrick immediately went to bed. He didn’t even change out of his clothes from the show. He just fell onto the bed and totally passed out. When he dreamed this evening, he dreamed he was back in high school. He was walking the hallways of Glenbrook High being shoved into lockers by asshole jocks who would amount to nothing in their lives. At least, that’s what Patrick would tell himself when they would do that or make fun of him. For some reason, this one specific jock had a problem with him and as soon as Patrick recovered from the first shove, he shoved him back and held him against the lockers with his hands.  
 _You’re not escaping this time, Patrick. You think it’s that easy? You can just get up and walk away with your life? Not this time._ he said. The jock opened up the locker and shoved Patrick in it. Patrick tried to fight back but he couldn’t. The locker was closed and all he could see was darkness. Then suddenly, he saw the locker being opened and he saw the light. He then awoke all of a sudden. It was about 7 in the morning. He rubbed his eyes and stood up. He walked out into the little lounge that was in between his and Joe’s bedrooms. Pete and Andy were sleeping next door. He saw Joe sitting on the couch on the phone. Joe saw him and gave him a quick wave. Patrick waved back and sat down across from him. Joe sounded aggravated.  
“Okay. Thanks,” he said ending the call.  
“Who was that?” Patrick asked.  
“Producer. He said there’s no way we get to Ohio tonight. We’ll be lucky if we get to Tennessee. They found a repair man and he says the buses are toast and will take at least a day to fix. They tried to find other tour buses but the company said the closest ones are in Boston and would take three days to drive to get here. And, apparently, they couldn’t find any private jets or anything that would take us,” Joe explained throwing his phone onto the coffee table. Patrick sighed angrily.  
“We can’t cancel on those fans,” Patrick growled.  
“I know. I’m beyond pissed. I’ve been on the phone since 5 this morning trying every sort of motive of transportation that I can think of to get us there,” Joe said. Patrick stood up and chewed his finger nail.  
“I just…I don’t want to give that announcement. Even though it’s indirect and on Twitter, I can’t bear to think of the fans who traveled and have given up time and money for us and now their night is getting shit on,” Patrick ranted.  
“I agree. I know Brendon’s been doing his best too to find a connection. We’ve all been trying so hard. I just, I can’t believe this happened,” Joe huffed. He rubbed his temples and Patrick sighed. He felt his phone vibrate and he picked it up. It was Pete.  
“Yeah Pete?” he said.  
“You hear the bad news?” Pete asked sadly.  
“Yeah. Joe just told me. I feel horrible,” Patrick said.  
“Ditto,” Pete said.  
“I guess I’ll send out the tweet. Better not wait to do it,” Patrick said.  
“Okay man. We should do something fun today to get out of this glum mood,” Pete said.  
“Maybe,” Patrick said. He hung up and opened up his Twitter account. His fingers shook as he typed out the tweet. He hesitated before he clicked the ‘post’ button. But, he finally pressed it and sent out the series of tweets.  
 _To everyone suppose to be at the Ohio show tonight, I am so deeply sorry that we cannot make it._

_We are stuck in due to some stupid bus issues. I can’t even begin to fathom how devastated some of you are. I feel so horrible right now._

_I promise we will make it back to you at the end of the tour. You will get your show. There’s no doubt about that. We’ll make it happen._


	11. Chapter 11

He sighed as he reread the sent tweets. He didn’t even want to read the replies to his tweet of devastated fans. He couldn’t bear it right now.   
“Well, I just tweeted the news,” Patrick said.   
“I did too. I apologized and I feel super shitty about it. But we have to enjoy our time here in Chicago. We don’t get much time here so,” Joe said. Patrick nodded. He heard a knock on the door and went to open it. Pete and Andy walked into their room with sad expressions on their faces.  
“We have to cheer up somehow. I know this completely sucks, but let’s enjoy Chicago. Let’s go to the lake or something,” Andy suggested.   
“That sounds semi-enjoyable,” Pete said. The other boys shrugged.   
“Alright, is Brendon gonna join us?” Patrick asked.  
“I’ll ask him,” Joe said. He called him and then reported back.  
“He’s got a meeting and some interviews and stuff he has to do. He’ll meet up for lunch he said,” Joe said.   
“Alright, well let’s head off so it’s still early before we get flagged down by a massive amount of fans,” Andy said. They walked out of the hotel and flagged down a cab. They decided to go down to North Avenue Beach. It was a Saturday morning so there wasn’t much traffic nor people at the beach but they figured that was definitely bound to change as the day progressed. They walked down in the sand and sat down on the sand. Joe and Pete pulled off their shirts and immediately ran into the water. Andy and Patrick sat back and watched them. Pete was tackling Joe and playing what looked like a game of tag. Joe dragged Pete under the water and Pete pushed Joe up and flipped him back into the water. Patrick and Andy laughed. Andy put on his sunglasses and pulled off his shirt as well and tossed it aside.  
“Aren’t you sweating your ass off? You’re wearing all black and it’s like 90 degrees outside,” Andy asked.  
“Not really, no,” Patrick said. Actually, he was really hot but he was self-conscious and didn’t want to take off his shirt.   
“Well, I’m going to join them in the water so you should come,” Andy said.  
“I didn’t bring shorts,” Patrick said.   
“You could always just strip to your boxers,” Andy suggested. Patrick made a face and Andy laughed.  
“Well, suit yourself. But you should come,” Andy said walking away. Patrick watched Andy dive into the water and take down both Joe and Pete. Patrick smiled. He was happy he was here despite the circumstances sucked. He hadn’t been to the beach, let alone Lake Michigan in almost a year. He’d been so busy and just hadn’t gotten around to it. He slide off his shoes and dug his feet into the sand. It was cool and felt good between his toes. He leaned back a bit and his fedora fell off exposing the bleached hair. It reflected brightly in the sunlight. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He loved the smell of lake water. He felt all the stress he had taken on in the past couple months just melt away. He exhaled and he felt more at peace than he had in a long while. He fell onto his back and listened to the waves crash against the beach. He looked up at the beaming sun and put a hand in front of his eyes to shield them from the intense rays. He closed his eyes again and cleared his mind. Not a thought crossed it. About 5 minutes later, he felt his phone vibrate. It was a text from Elisa.  
 _I need to talk to you. Are you busy?_  
Patrick panicked. Saying, “I need to talk to you,” never meant a good thing. He texted back.  
No, I’ve got a sec. Everything hunky dory? he responded. She never responded but she immediately called him. He sat up.  
“Hey, Lise. What’s up? Everything okay?” Patrick asked trying not to sound worried.   
“I have some exciting news that I didn’t want to tell you over text,” she said.   
“Lay it on me,” he said.   
“You’re going to be a father!” she exclaimed. Patrick’s heart stopped. His stomach dropped and he completely froze. He didn’t know how to react. He had wanted to be a dad. But, as he had said, he didn’t think he was ready now. Now just wasn’t a good time for him.   
“Are…are you serious?” was all he could manage.  
“Completely! I’m only a month or two along. I’ve been keeping it somewhat of secret. I didn’t know when to tell you but I figured I should soon. So I decided I’d surprise you,” she explained. Patrick could hear the excitement in her voice. She was thrilled. She had wanted this for about the last year. Patrick wished he could be more excited about this. He was in shock and panic. He was going to tell Elisa about him and Pete but this changed this whole picture. He couldn’t just abandon this baby. He would never want to do that to a child. As a child of divorce, he knew how much it utterly, fucking, sucked. He would never wish that on any child, especially not his.   
“Wow, Lise. I…I don’t know what to say. I’m just in shock…I can’t…wow. I’m gonna be a father,” Patrick stuttered. He was trying his best to remain calm.  
“We’re going to have a family,” she said. Patrick’s brain had gone off auto-pilot and had gone into self-destruct mode. The thoughts that he thought he had temporarily been alleviated from starting pouring back in.   
“Y…yeah,” he said his voice wavering.  
“Oh, Patrick, are you crying?” she asked.  
“No…I’m…I just…” he couldn’t finish.  
“Oh sweetie. I know. I’m just as excited as you,” Elisa said.   
“Patrick, I hate to bail so quickly but I’m walking into the gym so I’ll call you later. I just wanted to let you know about everything,” she said.  
“Thanks for calling…” he said his voice shaking.  
“I love you,” she said.  
“I love you too,” he said before hanging up. He dropped his phone in the sand next to him and just sat with this glassy look in his eye. Pete was walking in from the water soaking wet. He was catching his breath from wrestling with the boys in the water. He sat down next to Patrick and noticed Patrick’s freaky expression.   
“You okay?” he asked.  
“Elisa’s pregnant” he said quietly. Pete didn’t speak.  
“I…I want to be a father. Now just wasn’t the time,” Patrick said weakly. Pete put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder.  
“This…this can’t happen. This changes everything,” Patrick said shaking his head. He looked at Pete.  
“We…this…now this really can’t happen,” Patrick said. Pete looked sadly at Patrick.   
“I can’t let this baby be a child of divorce. Coming from one, it sucks and I can’t put it through that,” Patrick said.   
“Some divorces are better than others. If you were to get one, it doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t see this baby ever,” Pete tried.  
“I can’t Pete. I can’t do that,” Patrick said firmly. Pete took his hand away from Patrick.  
“The world always seems to fuck me right up the ass when I think things are starting to turn for me,” Patrick moaned. Pete bit his lip and looked down at the sand. Patrick sighed.  
“What are you gonna do? Are you gonna tell her?” Pete asked solemnly.  
“I mean I guess I have to. It would be wrong to keep her in the dark. If she chooses to be done with me, then I guess I’ve made my grave haven’t I,” Patrick said.   
“When?” Pete asked. Patrick shrugged.  
“I mean, I should probably today. Giving her the space while we’re away on tour might be best so she can work through it and I can work through this too,” Patrick said glumly. Pete looked sadly at Patrick. His heart was broken but he didn’t want Patrick to see.   
“Do what you need to,” Pete said before standing up.  
“I’m gonna take a walk. I’ll be back in a while,” Pete said. Patrick nodded. Pete walked down to the shore line and began to walk the beach. Patrick rubbed his face and exhaled sharply. He pulled out his phone and texted Elisa.  
 _Can you meet for lunch today?_   
He sat waiting for her response. His phone buzzed.  
 _Sure! Why don’t we go to Francesca’s?_  
He sighed.  
 _Sounds good. Does 12 work?_  
He felt himself digging himself into a grave and pulling the dirt over his body. Someone had dropped a bunch of dirt over his mouth and he was suffocating. Or at least, that’s what it felt like. He looked up at the sun and it didn’t feel so happy anymore. It didn’t feel so warm. It was more just a big exploding gas bubble in the sky instead of giving him that warm and comforting feeling it tended to. He ran his hands through his hair and decided to walk the lake as well to try and come up with what he was going to say. He walked in the opposite direction that Pete had gone. The lake water brushed against his toes as he walked along. It seemed to be coaxing him to come in and fade away with the current. He decided to go a bit into the water. He walked into the water until it came up to his knees. He rolled up the bottom part of his jeans under the water. He figured there was no point now but he didn’t like the fabric clinging to his legs. He stood out in the lake staring out at Michigan in the distance. He thought he could swim to the coast if he really wanted to. Well, probably not. That’s like a hundred miles away, he thought. He walked a bit further into the water until he was about half way in. Fuck it, he thought and fell into the water. It was brisk but refreshing. He stood up. He was soaking wet and pushed his hair out of his eyes. He squeezed out his shirt a bit and walked back to the shore and sat right between the shore line and the dry sand. He lied down and wished he could just be pulled into the sand and that would be the end. He wouldn’t have to deal with any of these overwhelming problems. On one hand, he was really upset that he couldn’t have a future with Pete. He had thought he had had it all figured out when in reality, he didn’t. On the other hand, there was no way he wanted this baby to be abandoned. Growing in a divorced household, as he had said, sucked. He didn’t want to put a baby girl or boy through that. He guessed that telling Elisa about his affair would be the best since Elisa could choose what she wanted to do. He’d let the chips fall from her hands. 

After about 10 minutes of sitting in the sun trying to dry off, Joe walked over soaking wet.  
“When did you go in the water?” he asked.  
“Just a couple minutes ago. I was sweating my ass off so I just decided to run in the water, clothes and everything,” Patrick said.   
“Ah. Just going at it balls out,” Joe said. Patrick nodded.   
“Would you happen to know where Pete is?” he asked. Patrick shook his head.  
“He told me he was going on a walk on the beach. He went that way and that was like 30 minutes ago,” Patrick said. Joe nodded.   
“Thanks man. Well Andy and I are gonna go for a quick run along Lakeshore Drive. We’ll be back in about 25 minutes. Try to find Pete, will you?” Joe asked.   
“Sure,” he said. Joe gave him a thumbs up and went jogging back to Andy. Patrick stood up and started off down the beach. 

About 10 minutes of walking later, he saw Pete on the edge of the stone path stick his feet in the deep lake water. He looked sad. Patrick sat down next to him.   
“I was told to come and find you,” he said.   
“Well, here I am,” Pete said. Patrick breathed out.  
“I love you Pete Wentz. I do. There’s no denying it. I can’t even deny it to myself no matter how much I try to suppress it. I just want to do what’s right,” Patrick blurted out.  
“Right for who?” Pete asked. Patrick looked down sadly.  
“What do you want me to do?” Patrick asked accusingly.  
“Honestly?” Pete asked. Patrick nodded and crossed his arms.  
“I’d want you to be there for the kid. I want that kid to be happy. It is so damn lucky to have you as it’s father. You will be the best father ever. You. Patrick Stump who has the kindest heart I’ve ever seen in my life,” Pete said. Patrick blushed.  
“On the other hand, I’d want you to be happy. And whether that’s with me or not is up to you. Would I like it if you were with me? Of course. I’m head over fucking heels in love with you. Any more moments I get to spend being with you makes my day better,” Pete said.   
“Why can’t you say selfish things? Like you don’t want me to be with anyone else? You have to make it fucking impossible for me to think straight,” Patrick huffed.  
“You wanted honesty,” Pete said. Pete turned away from Patrick and looked out at the lake. The wind blew and Patrick shivered. He was still sopping wet. He looked over at Pete and gently moved his face toward his and pulled their lips together. He stroked Pete’s jawline and melted himself into the kiss. Pete was fully infatuated with him. Patrick’s kisses were so lovely and soft you thought you were dreaming. Patrick pulled away and caressed Pete’s cheek. He then turned away and looked at the lake. Pete’s hand wandered over to Patrick’s and interlaced itself between Patrick’s fingers.   
“You know what I’m going to do right?” Patrick asked softly. Pete nodded.   
“I’m going to hate myself everyday. I just want you to know that,” Patrick said. Pete looked down.  
“You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who can fully commit and doesn’t have stupid fucking, like, insomnia attacks and anxiety and body-image issues and every other stupid flaw I have,” Patrick said.   
“You’re enough, Patrick. You are so more than enough and you don’t even realize it and it crushes me every time you doubt yourself or lower yourself. You are this wonderful person. I’ve never met anyone like you. You have the biggest fucking heart; you are so talented it’s unbelievable, you are so selfless and you are just a beautiful person. You don’t even know,” Pete said.   
“I’m not-“  
“You are.”  
Patrick looked down.  
“I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”  
“What if I don’t care? What if you’re not right?”   
“Because cheaters don’t deserve to be happy? Selfish people don’t deserve such good people to be in their life,” Patrick said.  
“I want to be in your life,” Pete emphasized. Patrick sighed. He looked at his phone. It was about 10:30.   
“I should head back to the hotel to change and get ready to go meet Elisa,” he said. He unwrapped his hand from Pete’s. He stood up.  
“Are you gonna stay here?” he asked.  
“Yeah. I’ll wait for Andy and Joe,” he said. Patrick nodded and started toward the street to flag down a cab. He got one and went back to the hotel.


	12. Chapter 12

When he got there. He immediately showered. He was getting dressed when he forgot that he was suppose to go to lunch with Brendon and the guys. He quickly texted Joe.  
 _Meeting Lise for lunch. I’ll meet you guys there if you aren’t done when I’m finished._  
Joe responded immediately.  
 _Sounds good._  
He pulled on a blue button up shirt, black tight jeans, and black sneakers. Of course, he couldn’t forget a fedora to tie it all together. He checked his phone. 11:27 it read. He decided he should probably start to head off to lunch since traffic in the city and shit. He stood up, took a breath, and walked out of his room. Here I go, he thought before closing the door to the hotel room. He walked out of the hotel and flagged down a cab.   
“Francesca’s” he told the cab driver. He could feel every beat of his heart in his chest. He rubbed his palms together nervously and felt every bump or crack in the road that the car ran over. He swore he could hear the driver tapping on his steering wheel. It sounded ten times louder than what the actual volume was. He took another deep breath and tried to relax himself. He was going to give himself an asthma attack before even getting to the restaurant. As he put his back against the seat, they had arrived at the place. Patrick’s stomach dropped. He paid the driver and stepped out of the cab wearily. His knees were quivering and made him feel completely uneasy. He felt like he was going to throw up in the middle of the street. He began to feel hot and uncomfortable. He checked his phone to see the time. 11:58 it read. She’d be here any minute. He walked in the restaurant and went up to the hostess.  
“Two for lunch,” he said trying to not sound like he was going to shit his pants, which was a definite possibility at this point. The hostess showed him to a table by the window. He sat down and continued rubbing his hands together. He started shaking his leg to relieve some of the anxiety but that didn’t do anything. He started chewing on his fingernail. All these bad habits were compiling on each other but Patrick couldn’t help it. When he got nervous or anxious, he lost control over these bad behaviors. He looked up and saw Elisa walking into the restaurant. His heart stopped. She was wearing dark blue jeans and a loose fitting green shirt. He couldn’t really see a bit of a baby bump but he knew it was there. She was pulling up her Ray Ban sunglasses onto her the top of her head and she was smiling as she greeted the hostess. She was beautiful. That whole pregnancy glow thing that people seemed to always talk about was true. Elisa was a beautiful woman, there was no question, but now she just seemed even more flawless. 

She smiled when she saw Patrick. He stood up to hug her. She ran and embraced him tightly.  
“Hi sweetheart. I’ve missed you so much. Especially hugging you,” she said into him.   
“Ditto. Tour has been hard without seeing you everyday,” Patrick said. She pulled away and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She sat down in her seat and Patrick in his. His heart rate had sped up about 50 beats faster. He was sure he was pale as a ghost too. He was trying his best to breathe normally without completely hyperventilating. As soon as she was about to ask about how he was, the waitress came. They ordered some drinks and Elisa could not take her eyes off of him.  
“I’ve missed looking at you. I know that sound totally weird right? And you’ve bleached your hair again!” She ruffled his hair from across the table.  
“It’s just, it’s not the same when you’re not around. It’s not home without you,” she said.  
“I know what you mean. I’m looking forward to being home. And these next couple weeks will fly by quickly. Work’s been keeping you busy right?” he asked.  
“Oh definitely. We’ve been doing a bunch of projects and that’s been my life basically for the past month,” she said.  
“Look at you saving the world and inventing the next big thing,” he said. She giggled.  
“Yeah sure. Something like that. We’ll go with that,” she laughed. Patrick smiled. He felt this huge pit in his stomach. Pretending like everything was normal when it wasn’t felt wrong. He felt sick to his stomach. It was horrible.   
“So, are you excited about the little one coming?” she asked. _Come on Lise, you know I don’t wanna talk about it,_ he thought.  
“Well, it sure shocked me. I wasn’t expecting it,” he said.   
“I know. And I know that you really weren’t all that sure before about having kids now. I’m hoping this has changed your mind?” she asked.  
“I’m sure I’ll come around. It’s just all fresh and all of a sudden right now. I’ve wanted to be a dad and because I’m such a perfectionist and whatever, I just felt like it needed to be the right time. I think I’ll get over that though.” He had done his best to sound convincing. Which this whole lie he had just told might actually be the truth. It had convinced him.   
“You are gonna be such a good father, Patrick. You don’t need to worry about timing and everything. This baby is going to be so grateful that you are her/his father,” she cooed.   
“Well, she/he has the best possible mother they are gonna get,” he said. She blushed.  
“I’ll do my best,” she said. The waitress came back and took their orders. Patrick played with the straw in his drink. He had no idea how he was going to weave this into their conversation. _Oh by the way Lise, I cheated on you with my bassist! But let’s keep talking about the baby’s room and stuff,_ he thought. Ugh. He figured he needed to tell her in a place a little more private. This restaurant might not be good in case she begins to cry or something. So, he continued reminiscing and catching up with her though lunch with her and decided to go to Lincoln Park and tell her. 

After lunch, he told convinced her to go to Lincoln Park with her. They got a cab and went to the park. She rested her head on his shoulder. He leaned his head up against her.  
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said. That made Patrick’s stomach and heart hurt. He was doing his best not to break down into complete sobbing. _You’re gonna think the opposite in a couple minutes,_ he thought. They arrived and walked around the park for a while until they found a tree to sit under. Patrick took a deep breath. _Here I go,_ he thought. He took Elisa’s hands into his.  
“Elisa, I have to tell you something,” he started. She looked at him and looked a bit concerned.   
“What is it?” she asked. Patrick’s stomach was fluttering and twisting all about.   
“During the tour…something…happened,” Patrick said. Elisa looked at him with worry in her eye.  
“I…I…cheated on you,” he spilled out. She took her hand out of his.  
“I…I don’t know why it happened. It just did…and I’m so sorry that it happened. It got out of hand and I can’t believe I did it especially with this baby on the way now,” he said with tears in his eyes. She looked down at the ground, her mouth slightly open.   
“Who…who was it?” she asked breathlessly.  
“Pete,” he said. She closed her eyes.  
“Did it mean anything?” she asked a bit more angrily.  
“I…I don’t know,” he stuttered.  
“Don’t lie to me. Did it mean anything? Do you love him? Do you love _me_?” she said gritting her teeth. Tears were spilling out of her eyes. Patrick let out a sob.  
“Lise, I’m so confused and I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know what I want and now I just, I don’t know,” he weeped.  
“Stop,” she said.   
“And now with the baby, I can’t leave it and I can’t leave you. It wouldn’t be right, but I needed to tell you,” he said.   
“Patrick, you can’t stay if I don’t want you to stay,” she said sternly. Patrick looked over at her.  
“You…you need to go,” she stammered.   
“Lise-“   
“You can’t just invite me to lunch, pretend everything’s normal, and then come and shit all over everything and drop a bomb like that,” she yelled. He looked down.  
“You need to leave. I need space. I don’t know what the fuck we are gonna do about this but you need to leave. No actually, you stay. I’m…I’ll leave,” she said. She stood up, wiped her eyes, and started off toward the street. Patrick completely broke down and put his head between his knees. He was worried he was never going to see her again. Panic hit his stomach and then left when his confusion, anger, and guilt set back in. His head starting spinning and he felt nauseous. He felt his phone vibrate. It was Pete. He was looking for him. Patrick just slid the phone back into his pocket. He couldn’t talk to Pete right now. It was just going to make him even more upset and he didn’t want Pete to here him sobbing like a seven year old. He sat under this tree and just let everything out. People walking by were probably wondering what was wrong with him but he could care less. His whole sense of decency was shut off right now. If he was going to be miserable, he was going to be miserable. He sat underneath this tree in the park, curled up and shutting himself out of the world. 

After about 10 minutes, the numbness set in. He was no longer crying or feeling sad. The sadness had been replaced with this horrible numbness that made him question whether he was really alive or not. He stood up and started walking out of the park. He wiped his eyes and sniffed to clear his nose. He knew one place he needed to be. He hopped in a taxi and asked the driver to take him back to Glendale.


	13. Chapter 13

When they arrived, he started running down the sidewalk to a nearby area with lots of trees. It was just by Glenbrook South. He pushed through the branches and leaves, occasionally scraping his hands and arms. He then found a little clearing that was surrounded by the trees. It was big enough to fit one, maybe two seated people. Patrick came to this place when he wanted to shut the world out or when he was upset. It was a quiet place for only him to think and listen to music. He sat down against one of the tree trunks and closed his eyes. He exhaled deeply. Tons of memories and nostalgia hit him immediately. He spent lots of high school afternoons here. It helped him de-stress and relax. He put in his earbuds and sat and listened to music. He looked up and saw the sun beams seeping through the trees. He inhaled and breathed the fresh, wooded smell into his lungs. He sighed and took his earbuds out. He then sat up from the tree and put his hands on his knees.  
“I haven’t been here in a while,” he said out loud. He winced at how he actually used to talk aloud sometimes. It helped though even though the air and forest couldn’t speak back.  
“You haven’t aged a day. I have. Obviously. 18 to 30. Jeez. I can’t believe it’s been that long. A lot will change in 12 years won’t it?” he said. The summer breeze blew softly.  
“I have no fucking clue what I’m doing with my life. I mean, I think I have some aspects of it covered for the most part like my career and stuff. I mean the whole relationship thing. I have this pit in my stomach and I feel like I just keep digging myself into this huge grave and no matter what I do to try and fix everything, it just gets worse,” Patrick said. The leaves rustled and murmured.  
“I just…I don’t want to hurt anyone. And I know that’s not possible. I just want to do what’s right. Everyone always told me doing what’s right may not always be the easiest thing. But then Pete comes in here and says I always do that and I never take care of myself and I’m too selfless. I…I have no idea what to do. I need some clarity. I don’t want Elisa mad at me forever even though I deserve everything I get,” Patrick sighed. The leaves fell silent.   
“I…I love Pete. And I thought I loved Elisa, but I guess I don’t. I mean I love her as a friend but I’m not sure I can continue with this marriage. It certainly wouldn’t be fair to her. She needs someone who can commit to her. But now there’s this baby in the equation. This child. My child. I don’t want it growing up in some stupid separated household. I fucking hated that part of my childhood and I don’t want it to be subjected to that.” The leaves remained quiet.  
“I guess…I have to deal with it and have the baby have a separated mom and dad. I still want it to have a wonderful life. I want to be with he/she as much as I possibly can. I guess that’s what Pete’s life is like,” Patrick said. The wind started up again and seemed to be hugging Patrick. Patrick closed his eyes and began to doze off onto the tree trunk behind him. He fell back and rested his back on it. His head tilted slightly to the right and he fell out of consciousness. 

Per usual, he began dreaming. He was walking through his house again. Instead, he was up in the future nursery. He saw a crib in the corner of the room. He walked over to it and looked inside. It was empty. He looked sadly on it.   
_Patrick, where are you?_ he heard a voice call from behind him. He turned around and saw Pete in the door way smiling at him.   
_I know you miss her. She’ll be here this weekend._ Pete walked over to him and embraced him. He kissed him on the temple.   
_Pete, why did you come back?_ Patrick asked.  
 _Patrick, you don’t need me to spell it out for you again. I think I’ve said ‘I love you’ at least twenty times today,_ Pete said. Patrick pulled away and went to the window. He saw the ravine below where his backyard used to be. He saw all the musical equipment and gear that he had so many times of having that dream. He panicked and backed up.  
 _Why is that there?_ Patrick almost screamed.   
_You can’t hide in fear forever. You need to go and face it,_ Pete said.   
_I think not,_ Patrick stated.  
 _You want to keep living in this horrible fucking nightmare? Having the same damn dream haunt you many nights and if it’s not that one, you have ones just as bad._ Pete said. Patrick shuffled his feet together.  
 _C’mon Patrick. Don’t be a baby. Go do it._ Pete ordered. Patrick sighed and walked downstairs and into the ravine. He slid down and broke his right wrist, as fate would have it.   
_Fuck no. I can’t start with this again,_ Patrick groaned. He walked and noticed the many broken and smashed record bits scattered across the heads of Andy’s drums, Pete’s bass, and Joe’s guitar. He held his right wrist in his left hand as he aimlessly wandered around. He felt a drop of rain on his nose before looking up at the sky. It was becoming dark and more and more raindrops began to fall. Patrick was done with this whole routine. Next he would end up naked and melting away into the ground. He walked down the pathway of the ravine until he noticed something among the rubble. He kneeled down and grabbed a cover of a record they’d made. Except, he didn’t recognize the album art. It had what seemed to be a black and white cross on it. He shook out the record with his left hand and saw a perfectly intact record. He heard a sort of chanting behind him. _This is not how the dream is suppose to go, what the hell is going on?_ Patrick thought. He turned around but didn’t see anyone behind him.  
 _We are the poisoned youth. We are the poisoned youth,_ the voices said. The chanting became louder and louder. He put the record back in it’s case and began to walk away from the sound. He tripped on a hook hand and scowled at it. His right hand was swinging along side him although he felt a weird tingling instead of pain.   
_We are the poisoned youth. We are the poisoned youth._  
Patrick quickened his pace and tripped and fell on a tree root. He landed on his wrist again and yelped out in pain. _Why haven’t I woken up yet??_ he thought. He tried to get up but he couldn’t. The dark cloud looming over him began to thicken and it started to rain. He shivered as his clothes melted off of him. _No, NO,_ he yelled.   
_We are the poisoned youth. We are the poisoned youth._  
Patrick’s feet began to get dragged into the ground by hands popping out beneath the dirt. He screamed out. _Pete! Elisa! Anyone! Help!_ his voice stopped in the midst of his plea for help. He saw a figure before him turned away from him. The figure turned and faced him and Patrick saw it was himself, except it was the Youngblood demon version of him. His eyes were yellow and the hook hand was shaking. He walked to Patrick and put this hook on his throat. Patrick leaned his neck back.  
 _Wake up, Patrick_ the demon said before raising his hook and bashing it into Patrick’s chest. As soon as the hook hit Patrick’s chest, he jolted awake. His phone was buzzing like crazy. He saw Pete had called him 5 times, as well as Andy and Joe had both called him 3 times each.  
“Shit,” he said. He stood up and pushed through the branches to get out of the woods. He dialed Pete and began walking to find a cab.  
“Patrick, where the hell have you been? I have been calling you for the past hour,” Pete said. He sounded worried.   
“Sorry, I just I ended up back in Glendale,” Patrick said trying to wake himself up.   
“I figured you would find yourself back there. Where are you?” Pete asked.  
“By Glenbrook South,” he said.   
“Look to your left,” Pete said. Patrick turned his head and saw Pete waving his hand. Patrick put his phone down. Pete had this horribly worried expression on his face. He ran up to Patrick and pulled him in for a hug immediately. Patrick was somewhat surprised by this.   
“Where the hell have you been doing here?” Pete asked.  
“I needed to come and clear my mind,” he said.   
“And drop off the face of the Earth for two and a half hours? You could have called or texted on of us,” Pete said.  
“I should have. I’m sorry,” Patrick said weakly.   
“I had to get up and leave lunch to come and try to find you,” Pete said.   
“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t go meet up with you guys in my condition and I ended up accidentally falling asleep,” Patrick uttered.   
“Did you dream?” Pete asked.   
“Yeah. It was pretty fucking weird, and I don’t really want to get into it right now,” Patrick explained. Pete shuffled his feet against the ground.  
“What happened with Elisa?” he asked solemnly. Patrick sighed.  
“What’s to say? She was very upset. She doesn’t want to see me. She’s so angry and I’m angry and upset with myself. This didn’t help the knife wound in my heart. It just made it worse,” he said. Pete looked sadly at Patrick.  
“I don’t even know what I’m suppose to do now,” Patrick said throwing his hands in the air. He sat down on the sidewalk and Pete sat beside him.  
“My life’s a mess,” Patrick noted.   
“Aren’t all of ours?” Pete asked.   
“Ok, well, mine especially,” Patrick corrected. Pete looked away.  
“What am I suppose to do? Leave tomorrow for Tennessee and pretend like none of this ever happened? Just leave Elisa and not speak to her until I get back where my child is likely to be born soon? Try to pick up the pieces then because I sure as hell can’t now? Or am I suppose to just forget everything that happened with her and start over with you like everything is normal and great when it’s not?” Patrick said frustratedly. Pete listened.  
“I just…I want to be happy,” Patrick said.   
“What makes you happy?” Pete asked. Patrick shrugged.  
“Oh come on. There are some things, however small, that make everyone happy. Name some,” Pete pushed. Patrick sighed. He looked down at his shoes.  
“Sneakers. Sneakers make me happy,” he said.   
“Good. What else?” Pete asked.  
“Chicago. Chicago makes me very happy. And music. Music makes me happy,” he said.   
“Ok, keep going,” Pete insisted.   
“What is the point of this?” Patrick asked.   
“The point is to show you that you need to make yourself happy. You are in charge of that. You can choose to look at life as a miserable pit of disparity and sadness or you can choose to find the little things in life that help you see the happy parts of life. I know now sucks. Really. But you’re gonna be happy. I can guarantee that,” Pete said. Patrick looked up at the sky.  
“I really hope you’re right,” Patrick said. Pete exhaled.  
“Oh, I forgot one thing that makes me happy,” Patrick said.  
“Okay. Well, shoot,” Pete said. Patrick turned and faced Pete.  
“Pete Wentz makes me happy,” Patrick said earnestly. Pete’s face turned into a slight smile. He closed his eyes and turned his face down. Patrick smiled slightly.   
“I will excuse how fucking cheesy that was,” Pete said. Patrick laughed and shoved Pete lightly against his shoulder.   
“Have we gotten an update on the buses?” Patrick asked.  
“Yeah, the manager just texted and said that we should be back on the road tomorrow morning and we’ll be able to make the Tennessee show,” Pete said.  
“So, this is our last night in Chicago,” Patrick said. Pete nodded.  
“Well, I need to do something fun. This whole day has been pretty shitty from tonight’s show being cancelled to the whole Elisa thing,” Patrick said.   
“Well, what do you have in mind?” Pete asked. Patrick thought for a moment.   
“You know, I haven’t been to Navy Pier in years,” Patrick said with a grin on his face.  
“Sure, let’s just go to the busiest area of the city. Not like anyone will recognize us,” Pete said sarcastically.   
“What, you can’t handle people?” Patrick asked. Pete rolled his eyes.  
“Fine princess. We’ll play your game,” Pete submitted. Patrick clapped and smiled. Pete rolled his eyes again. They began walking into the town. Pete had called a cab to come and pick them up. When the cab got there, he told them to go to the hotel.  
“Oh, Pete. In my dream, there was this line that kept getting repeated that might be good for a song or something I don’t know. It shook me to my core,” Patrick said.  
“What was it?” he asked.  
“It was ‘We are the poisoned youth,’” Patrick said. Pete nodded his head.  
“I like it. Not sure what we could use it for but definitely upcoming stuff,” Pete said. 

They got back to the hotel and met up with Brendon, Joe, and Andy.  
“Patrick! What the hell man? Where’d you go, on a spiritual retreat?” Brendon asked.   
“Sorry, I ended falling asleep in Lincoln Park under a tree,” Patrick said.   
“Wow. Classy,” Joe said.   
“I know right. I’m sorry for ditching out on lunch with you guys but I was hoping that I could make it up to you guys by taking you to Navy Pier tonight,” Patrick said. Brendon looked at Andy and Joe. They shrugged and nodded in agreement.  
“Sounds fun,” Andy said.   
“Awesome, let’s get all packed up so we can just hit the hay tonight and hit the ground running tomorrow to get back on the buses,” Pete said. The boys agreed and started packing up all of their stuff again. Not only did they have clothes and stuff, they also had to keep tracking of all their tour stuff like instruments and gear since it was all stored in this hotel room. They started piling and sorting stuff together to keep everything organized so it would be efficient in moving it the next morning.


	14. Chapter 14

After they’d finished, they decided to go out for a nice, early dinner at The Chicago Firehouse. They hadn’t had a real meal in a while since being on tour. They all piled in a cab and drove down to the restaurant. It was relatively quiet since it was only 5 O’Clock and the dinner rush hadn’t hit yet. They quickly ate and they headed off for the Pier. Traffic was bad but they got there within half an hour. They arrived at the Pier by 7 and the place was in full swing. The boys immediately felt like they were 12 years old again and began running around looking at everything. They all ran to the Carousel and jumped on the mechanical horses and animals. Brendon and Joe shared a horse and were humping it and making goofy faces. Patrick, Pete, and Andy laughed and video’d the whole thing. Andy and Pete pretended like their horses were racing while Patrick pretended to be an announcer and narrate the whole thing.  
“You sound like Harry Carey,” Joe said. Patrick laughed.  
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Patrick said. Pete threw his hands up in the air when he thought he had ‘won’ the ‘race’. Andy shouted and kicked Pete. Pete giggled and poked Andy on the shoulder and stuck his tongue out at him. Andy rolled his eyes.  
“Highlight of Pete Wentz’s career, winning a mechanical horse race on a carousel,” Andy said. Pete laughed.  
“Biggest accomplishment of my life,” he said. They heard Brendon yell and they turned around to see Joe and Brendon shoving each other.  
“Dude, your ass is taking up too much of this guy’s back,” Brendon said.  
“Obviously this wasn't made for two people to sit on. Now if you will kindly get off my horse, I’d appreciate it,” Joe said.  
“This guy’s got a thing for me. I can tell. He’s been giving me the sweet eye the whole time,” Brendon said rubbing the horse’s head.  
“Threesome” Pete said. Brendon groaned and the others laughed.  
“Brendon, you gotta learn to share dude,” Joe said stroking Brendon’s shoulder.  
“Joe, you know I love you, but not that way and if this is gonna happen, I am not sharing anything nor am I being shared,” Brendon said explicitly.  
“I think we all learned something new about Brendon,” Andy said.  
“What can I say? You have me and that’s it,” Brendon said.  
“Sharing is caring, Brendon,” Joe said. Brendon moved his shoulder away from Joe and playfully shoved Joe off of the horse. Joe jumped back and breathed out sharply, but sarcastically.  
“Well, I never,” he said. Brendon gave him an award winning smile and Pete and Andy laughed.

After the carousel, they went to the chair swing. They each sat in their seats and strapped themselves in. As the ride began to raise, they each swung their feet as they couldn’t touch the ground. Patrick gulped nervously. He wasn’t too keen of heights. He looked down as the ground became further and further away.  
“Everything peachy-keen, Patrick?” Brendon asked.  
“Holy smokes, we are high,” Patrick waned.  
“You’ll be okay. This thing is super safe. Just don’t look down. Look at the lights and the city instead. And the lake. That too,” Joe said. Patrick’s stomach was turning and twisting. The ride started to swing around. He turned around to look at Pete and he saw Pete looking fondly at Patrick.  
You’re okay, Pete’s eyes said. Patrick nodded his head and turned around. He clenched his hands and closed his eyes. He inhaled, and then exhaled, releasing all of his anxiety. He unclenched his hands and tried to focus on the lights blending together. It was quite pretty. All the lights swirling together and reflecting on the lake was much more impressive than he figured. He also felt like he was flying, which was quite liberating. He heard Brendon shout, “woooo!” from behind him and he laughed. He closed his eyes and held onto the chains next to his arms. He felt the breeze hit his skin and nibble at it. His hair shuttered in the wind. He opened his eyes and saw the moon beginning to peak it’s head out from the clouds. He smiled and for that moment, everything was okay. Something told him that things were going to change and be for the better. He felt at peace. All the drama with the tour and Elisa and his dreams just seemed to melt away and disappear. While he knew the problems were still there, his mind was momentarily drifting from them. The ride started to slow down and begin it’s decent back to the ground. Patrick’s feet skidded against the cement as they arrived back on the ground. The boys stood up and walked out of the ride.  
“Anything with flying and spinning will always be a good ride in my opinion,” Pete said.  
“I have a soft spot for those spiny rides. They make me feel so…free. Like a bird,” Brendon said.  
“Patrick even seemed to enjoy it after a while,” Joe said.  
“Yeah. After I got over the initial, ‘holy shit I’m off the ground and could possibly fall and die’ I was fine,” Patrick said. The other boys chuckled.  
“Well, I try not to think of the whole ‘dying’ thing. You could die doing any activity. You could die from walking in two minutes or from singing or from anything,” Andy said.  
“True,” Brendon said. Patrick shrugged and they walked over to get some food. Andy and Pete got some cotton candy while Brendon got a hot dog and Patrick and Joe got some nachos.  
“Joe, I think you should die your hair this color,” Patrick said pointing to the cotton candy. Joe made a thinking face.  
“I’d do it. Maybe not at this exact moment, but I could definitely see myself doing it,” Joe said.  
“Yeah, you could join Patrick on the ‘I’m going to spontaneously dye my hair’ train,” Pete said. Patrick rolled his eyes.  
“ _I_ like my bleached hair,” Patrick emphasized.  
“I didn’t say it was bad. I’m merely saying it was a sudden thing,” Pete said.  
“Speaking of hair things, thinking of doing anything new with your hair Brendon?” Joe asked.  
“Not at the moment haha. I think I’ve pissed off my fans enough by buzzing the sides of my head. Soon though. Maybe I’ll bring the emo flap back,” Brendon said.  
“God, I can’t bring my emo flap back. That was my hair for a good 15 years. My relationship with that hair style ended,” Pete reminisced.  
“Emo flaps and eyeliner. We had our own little club back then. God, that was something,” Brendon said laughing.  
“I mean, it’s almost as memorable as Patrick’s sideburns,” Andy said. Patrick groaned.  
“I am glad to be-rid of those. They needed to go,” Patrick said. Those sideburns were not just a wannabe fashion faux pax. He had them partially because of his stupid insecurities that he hadn’t completely outgrown. But, when he did lose the weight and began his soul punk stage, he bid farewell to the sideburns and somewhat long hair. He had gained a little more self-confidence.  
“I liked those sideburns! They were so purely ‘Patrick Stump’” Pete said.  
“I’m trying to think of a time when I actually thought they were cool. A long long time ago,” Patrick said.  
“Regardless, the new mature Fall Out Boy and Panic are bigger and better. We’ve grown and learned and for the better,” Brendon said.  
“I’d drink to that,” Joe said.  
“Anyhow, where do you guys wanna go next?” Brendon asked.  
“I think I wanna take it easy and digest for a couple minutes before I get on another ride. I’m not in the mood to see my food again,” Joe said.  
“Ditto,” said Andy.  
“Ooooh, good point,” Brendon said.  
“Well, while you guys digest and relax, I’m going on the ferris wheel,” Pete said.  
“I’ll tag along,” Patrick said. Joe and Andy looked at each other sneakily. Brendon gave them a wicked smile.  
“Alright boys. See you two in a bit,” Andy said with a smile on his face.  
“Or not. Take your time,” Brendon chimed in.  
Pete turned to walk. Patrick gave them the finger and mouthed ‘Fuck you’ before he started walking.  
“Just the two of us. Again,” Pete said.  
“Me and my best friend. It’s perfect,” Patrick said. Pete smiled earnestly at Patrick. They got to the ferris wheel and sat down in their seats. The wheel began to slowly creep up.  
“You know, I’m surprised we haven’t gotten recognized yet,” Patrick noticed. Pete nodded.  
“I guess people aren’t looking for us so we blend in,” Pete replied. Patrick looked out at the lake.  
“I can’t explain why I get so nostalgic for a city I didn’t exactly grow up in. Despite it though, my heart always yearns for it,” Patrick said.  
“Home isn’t always where you grew up,” Pete said.  
“I know, and this is the part where you say it’s where my heart is,” Patrick said.  
“Well, yeah. Believe it or not, that is how the saying goes and it obviously has some truth here,” Pete said. They sat in silence for a moment and looked out on the water.  
“I never did tell you that you were really good in bed, did I?” Patrick said with a goofy grin on his face.  
“Um, no that never did come up,” Pete said giggling.  
“Well, there you go,” Patrick admitted.  
“I mean, I figured when you were basically humping into my mouth,” Pete said.  
“Well, that and the whole inexperience thing,” Patrick said.  
“You’re telling me you’ve never had a blow job?” Pete asked.  
“No. All my girlfriends/my wife was never into it and I respected that,” Patrick said.  
“Touche. Well Patrick, if you thought that was good, you’d love the alternate even though it is sometimes a bit uncomfortable when you start the first time,” Pete said slyly. Patrick raised his eyebrow. Pete laughed.  
“Only if you wanted to, obviously,” Pete said.  
“I could be up for it,” Patrick said trying to sound super confident and cool.  
“You’re such a nerd. If only you had your hipster glasses on,” Pete said grinning. Patrick smiled and turned away to look at the city.  
“It’s so beautiful,” Patrick said in awe.  
“I know,” Pete agreed. Pete took Patrick’s hand. Patrick turned and looked at Pete. He looked at his lips before they both leaned in to kiss. If Patrick had any stress left, it had immediately gone away. Pete tasted like cotton candy and his lips were soft and melded into Patrick’s. He pulled away and looked lovingly at Patrick. He stroked Patrick’s cheek. Patrick looked away. He was blushing.  
“I can always rely on you to stay the same through everything,” Pete said. Patrick smiled and closed his eyes. His phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket and saw it was a text from Elisa.  
I think you need to get a lawyer. I don’t know if this is going too fast but just in case.  
Patrick didn’t feel anything. He felt sad for a split second and then it flew away. He showed Pete the text.  
“It’s normal. I’ll be here for you the whole time. Like you were for me,” Pete said.  
“I know you will be,” Patrick said. They felt the cart they were in shake a bit as the approached the bottom of the wheel. They got off the ride and Patrick gave Pete this look. Pete grinned and laughed like an idiot. They started to take off and run. They shoved past people and were laughing their heads off. They ran onto the edge of the pier. Pete grabbed Patrick’s hand and they both plunged feet first into the water. They came up shivering and gasping for breath. Pete started laughing and Patrick pushed his hair from his face.  
“I don’t know what just happened nor went through my mind but I can’t believe I actually just did that,” Patrick said. Pete was catching his breath and began to pull himself up onto the dock. He reached his hand down once he had got himself up. Patrick grabbed it and hoisted him self up. They saw Andy, Joe, and Brendon running over and laughing and yelling.  
“What the hell just happened?! That was amazing!” Brendon exclaimed.  
“We got it all on video. You guys looked like fucking crazy idiots but it looked sick,” Joe said. They laughed.  
“It was Patrick’s idea,” Pete said.  
“You were just a part of this as I was!” Patrick shot back. Pete grinned.  
“Well, we should probably get you guys changed. Let’s go get a beer or coffee after that,” Andy said.  
“Coffee, please. I’m fucking freezing my ass off,” Patrick said. They all laughed and walked to get a cab.

Once they got back to the hotel, Brendon, Andy, and Joe went to grab some coffee from Starbucks. Patrick was getting undressed and about to get in the shower when he heard Pete knock on his door. Pete was trying his best to smolder but Patrick made a face and Pete stopped and grinned.  
“Jesus, I am freezing my ass off,” Pete said.  
“I know. I haven’t stopped shivering since we got out of the water,” Patrick said. Pete looked at Patrick, all half-naked and everything.  
“You know…if you wanted to do anything…this would be our opportunity as they went to go get coffee and won’t be back for at least half an hour,” Pete hinted.  
“Is that all you wanted?” Patrick flirted. He swayed over to Pete and ran his fingers up Pete’s back. This sent shivers all up and down Pete’s spine. He turned around and grabbed Patrick’s hand.  
“Oh, you’re gonna have to do better than that if you’re gonna impress me Patrick Stump,” Pete growled emphasizing the ‘p’ in Stump. Patrick narrowed his eyes. He pulled him in for a kiss. It really wasn’t a kiss though. Their mouths were colliding and sloppily biting each other. Patrick slipped his tongue into Pete’s mouth and mingled with his. Pete still tasted sweet like cotton candy.  
“Damn, you taste so sweet. I thought I got rid off that,” Patrick said. Pete smiled through kisses.  
“Try harder, babe,” Pete dared. Patrick pushed Pete to the bed and began running kisses up and down his chest. He lightly tugged at Pete’s nipple and Pete let out a gasp.  
“Oh, god, Patrick” Pete moaned. Patrick worked his way down and began unbuckling Pete’s jeans. He pulled down the zipper and began to slide down his pants. He saw Pete’s pizza boxers and snickered.  
“Payback for the Ninja Turtles,” he said. Pete rolled his eyes. He sat up.  
“Want me to drive?” Pete asked. Patrick nodded in agreement.  
“Turn around,” Pete ordered. Patrick did as he was told. Pete pulled Patrick’s jeans and boxers down. He pulled down his own boxers and rolled on a condom. He leaned back and grabbed the lube he had secretly brought in. He licked Patrick’s shoulder and back muscles. Patrick sighed with pleasure. He pushed Patrick to the bed.  
“Patrick, I’m gonna start loosening you up,” Pete warned. Patrick nodded against the bed. Pete took two fingers and entered Patrick. Patrick gasped.  
“Holy-“ Patrick yelled. Pete began twisting gently and kneading inside. He put another finger and turned them around. Patrick’s breathing increased.  
“Shh…I know, hold on. I told you it gets a bit uncomfortable. If you need me to stop, tell me when. I promise it’ll feel good in a second. Just a bit longer,” Pete cooed. Patrick inhaled and held his breath. Pete put his last finger in and twisted abruptly. Patrick let out a slight whimper.  
“You’re good. You’re doing good. And you’ll continue this way, I know it,” Pete whispered in his ear. Patrick closed his eyes and gripped the sheets beneath him.  
“Okay Patrick,” Pete said. He pushed himself into Patrick. Patrick let out a moan. Pete began thrusting into him slowly. Patrick fingers were shaking and his stomach was jumping. He tried to regain his breath but he couldn’t. Pete began thrusting harder and a bit faster. He put his hands in Patrick’s hair and began gently gripping and massaging his head. He thrusted harder and quicker. Patrick let out yelps.  
“Let me know when you’re gonna go,” Pete said.  
“P…Pete, oh, shit,” Patrick stuttered. Pete was on the edge.  
“Pete…I’m…it’s…” Patrick broke. Patrick comed and Pete did as well. He pulled out of Patrick and sunk to the ground. Patrick’s breath was beginning to come back to him. His heart rate was through the roof.  
“Holy shit, Pete,” was all he could manage. Pete’s laugh croaked. Pete stood up and lied himself on the bed next to Patrick. Patrick pulled up his boxers and turned to face Pete.  
“Wow…” Patrick breathed out. Pete chuckled.  
“I’m so proud of you,” Pete said. Patrick leaned over and kissed Pete.  
“I love you Pete Wentz,” he said.  
“I love you Patrick Stump,” Pete replied.


	15. Chapter 15

The next day, they were getting back on the bus. Brendon had come down to say goodbye. He was leaving to go back to LA to go back on tour himself. He hugged each one of the boys.  
“I’m gonna miss you guys. At the APMAS we have to hang,” Brendon said.  
“Definitely dude,” Pete said. Brendon smiled. Pete went back on the bus and Patrick hugged Brendon one last time.  
“Let me know how stuff works out. From what I can see, stuff has started to turn for you for the good,” Brendon winked. Patrick smiled and rolled his eyes.  
“Thanks Brendon. Say hi to Spence, Dallon, and Sarah for me. It was super nice seeing you,” Patrick said honestly. He walked onto the bus and waved to Brendon. Brendon waved as the bus began to pull away.  
“On the rooooooad to Tennessee,” Pete sang.  
“Home of Country. Hopefully they’ll like us,” Joe said sarcastically.  
“Joe,” Andy said rolling his eyes. Joe giggled. Patrick smiled and hopped onto his bunk. He leaned over and peeked his head to see Pete.  
“Hey bunk buddy,” Patrick said.  
“Hey man,” Pete said holding up his phone to take a snap chat. Patrick made a goofy face when Pete snapped the picture. He laughed and showed Patrick the picture.  
“Oh my god,” Patrick said pulling himself back up onto his bed. Pete was laughing so hard sound was not coming up.  
“So, just as a general topic of conversation, super casual I know, but are you guys ever gonna tell us what’s the deal with you two?” Joe asked.  
“I doubt you’d want to know the dirty details,” Patrick said.  
“And he does mean, dirty,” Pete said. Patrick snorted and Andy and Joe let out audible sighs. Pete snapped his fingers and smiled. Patrick jumped off his bunk and walked into the bathroom. He had been texting with Elisa. She hadn’t wanted to speak on the phone to him since he’d told her. She was making plans to move out of their house and to file for divorce. He’d been silently glum and sad all day. He knew it was going to be hard and difficult, he just hadn’t expected it would be this painful. He wanted to tell her so many things. He wanted to tell her that their whole marriage wasn’t for nothing. He wanted to tell her that he had loved her for a long period. He wanted to tell her that she was beautiful and he wanted her to be happy. But, he knew that he had to be a little selfish, no matter how painful and hard it was for him, and he had to leave her. He wanted to start being happy though. He needed to pull himself through another difficult time in his life. He knew that it would probably be easier considering he had his friends there with him. He heard a knock on the door. Pete peeked his head in and saw Patrick leaning up against the wall with his phone in his hand.  
“Everything alright?” Pete asked.  
“She just said she’s moving out and filing for divorce,” Patrick said flatly.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Patrick,” Pete said apologetically.  
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I cheated. I chose to choose you over her. I was selfish. But, I have to accept the consequences and unfortunately this was the consequence of what I did. But, I feel relieved that I told her. I don’t feel this huge weight of guilt hanging over my shoulders. And, I don’t feel my regret and longing willingness to tell you how I feel about you everyday. You know now,” Patrick said looking up at Pete lovingly. Pete half smiled.  
“I know this won’t be easy for you, but as I said, I’m here for you. You have been the best friend I’ve had and you’ve helped me through so much. I love you man,” Pete said. Patrick smiled and looked down. Pete put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder.  
“There’s not enough words in the world to describe how I feel about you,” Patrick said. He looked up and kissed Pete on the cheek. His stubble ran against Patrick’s smooth cheek. Patrick pulled back after the kiss and rubbed his cheek.  
“Your stubble scratched me man,” Patrick said laughing slightly. Pete smiled.  
“Haha, it tends to do that occasionally,” Pete said. Patrick looked down at his feet.  
“Well, I haven’t even asked. What is going on with you and Meagen?” Patrick asked self-consciously.  
“I told her. She was upset with me, likewise, but she admitted she had been thinking about seeing other guys. The baby is due in about a month so we’re getting ready for that. She said it’d be best if we broke off but raised the baby as best as we could together but separate. So, basically the same situation as yours. Except I have less time,” Pete explained. Patrick nodded.  
“We certainly are mess makers, aren’t we?” Patrick said.  
“If we have at least one thing in common, it’s that,” Pete sighed. Patrick sucked his cheek.  
“Well, I said I’ll support you and you’ll support me. We’ll make the best out of a bad situation. Life gets messy. All you can do is clean up the shit that hit the fan,” Pete said. Patrick nodded and smiled weakly.  
“Love you man,” Patrick said.  
“Love you too,” Pete said.

They arrived at the arena in record time, about 7 hours. They quickly sound checked and got back on the bus to eat some dinner. They saw Paramore and New Politics pull in and they all gave each other hugs and caught up. Then, the boys took the stage. They began their set and everything was going normally until Patrick went over to Joe and Andy and told them something. They both rolled their eyes and smiled. Patrick went up to the mic and Pete put his hands up at Patrick wondering what the hell was going on.  
“We’re gonna change it up and play an extra song. This is to someone special. Since I can’t say how I feel in words, I’ll try to sing it,” Patrick said. The crowd screamed. They began playing and the audience shouted along the words. Pete put his hand on his face and smiled. Patrick grinned while singing and winked at Pete not so subtly. At the end of the song, the lights went black momentarily and Patrick went up to the mic. He looked at Pete in the darkness. Pete looked at him. Patrick took a breath and sung softly.  
“What did it ever do for me I say?” He then stepped an inch back from the mic and whispered softly into it.  
“Don’t kiss and tell. XO.”


End file.
